In Shakespeare’s play, Romeo and Juliet the playwright deals with many topics important to relationships. One topic he addresses is ‘terminology’.
Many students recall the famous lines spoken by Juliet “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
Given that Romeo and Juliet were having an illicit relationship, it doesn’t surprise me that they play word games with each other. They act like it doesn’t matter what you call things or people.
She was addressing the contentious matter of family names or ‘terminology’.
Terminology or what you call things seems like a little thing, yet end up bringing the ‘terminus’ or end of your relationship. When affairs are involved, couples fight over what they call things.
One of the wildest names I’ve seen used recently is referring to the lover as the ‘participating partner’. This same source refers to the cheater and the betrayed as the ‘offending’ and ‘non-offending’ spouses.
Then there is the ‘truple’ phenomena. This is where you have a couple with a live-in lover, or threesome on demand.
These twists in what you call things takes the moral sting out of the affair so much that you can’t tell what is going on. Even the term ‘affair’ sounds more like a business transaction than marital infidelity.
Let’s put Shakespeare’s Juliet to the test. When you call an affair a one-night stand, stepping out, straying or being a player, does it make the relationship any less foul?
It may make the cheater feel less guilty, yet when there’s no guilt, the cheater loses his motivation to change. I believe Shakespeare is wrong about what’s in a name when it comes to affairs.
You need language that cuts through the bull and deception. You need clear and direct words that leave no wiggle room for ambiguity.
Calling the lover a ‘participating partner’ only invites more dodging and avoiding important issues. At the membership site, Restored Lifestyle, you’ll find articles and programs that use clear and direct language, including recommendations for making your language clearer.
When you’re hurting you need that clarity rather than someone protecting other’s feelings. You’ve already seen where that ends up. Now is the time for removing yourself from that mess rather than expanding it with fluffy, non-offensive, smooth sounding words.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
