The other day I began addressing the question “Why does an affair take such a toll on people?” Although the answer is obvious to some of you, there are others who don’t see the obvious impact and reasons for it.
Secondly, having an affair makes a mockery of your marriage. Keep in mind that on entering the special relationship of marriage, there are many issues going on.
When you were married, you made solemn promises before God, your friends and family. Having an affair is an act of disrespect toward each witness of your wedding. It amounts to an act of obscene defiance to the world.
Whether or not you intended the affair to be such a gesture doesn’t change things. The motives don’t excuse the choices made.
I don’t know what the cheater was thinking when they started their affair but I do know that cheating makes a mockery of your marriage. The cheater mocks the institution of marriage, and makes it clear to all involved that they are not committed to this relationship.
The consequences of cheating vary depending on who is being cheated on, but there is one thing we can all agree on: this type of behavior does not reflect well on anyone involved.
The cheater flagrantly breaks their wedding vows. Those vows were to you, to God and before the witnesses of family and friends. Cheating shows they don’t care who they hurt or what promises they broke.
In breaking their vows, the cheater also shows the world they don’t respect marriage, they don’t care who they disrespect be it family or friends. Little things they say and do betray their underlying defiant attitude.
And when the cheater doesn’t care about your feelings or their promises, they’re showing that they don’t respect themselves either. In short: someone cheating on you makes them look like a selfish jerk with no class.
When the cheater shows that kind of defiance, there’s blowback in the form of consequences. Anytime you show this kind of ill will toward others, it’s impactful.
Whether or not people are aware of the disrespect you showed them, they still sense changes in attitude. It changes the whole feel and energy associated surrounding your relationship with them.
What was positive and encouraging either turns sour or negative. Although those changes can’t always be seen, they’re certainly felt. There’s a reason for people talking about relationships turning cold.
When you send out messages of disrespect and defiance, it invites more disrespect and defiance into your own life. It amounts to putting out a welcome mat for trouble.
Make no mistake the attitude you have on the inside finds ways of expressing themselves. Disrespectful attitudes have ways of expanding to other areas of your life.
What started as a disrespect of marriage spreads to other areas and other relationships. Disrespect doesn’t stay contained. Disrespect leads to more disrespect.
Rather than allowing disrespect to spread, take action now. Cleaning up the affair involves more than just saying “you’re sorry”. Recovering from it requires you to change the thinking and attitude that came with the affair.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” , I share with you how and where to start making important changes for your marriage.
Click the link and download your copy today. In minutes you can be starting the journey to recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
