Fear is a powerful motivating force. Fear keeps some spouses from even mentioning their suspicions of an affair. Fear is what keeps the adulterer from bringing up the affair. Fear is what keeps the couple from discussing what is missing in their marriage and what their needs are. Instead, they may complain about the secondary symptoms of what is missing, since that is often easier to discuss and blame over. It is easier to complain about sex than to discuss intimacy needs. It is easier to complain about ‘poor communication’ than to discuss the fears that often keep them from open discussions.
Living with fear is often more extreme with couples who grew up in families that operated and existed in fear. Whether fears of rejection, honest, violence or something else. Living in fear brings poor choices and a sense of desperation. There are fears that religious leaders or people in the community would reject them if they were honest. Fear brings torment into the lives and marriages of the people exposed to it.
You can take steps to escape the fear. It begins by being honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about yourself and what is going on. Learning to live with honesty will open your eyes to many things. You will find yourself living in a more genuine manner. No need to hide behind masks and veils, you can begin to see through those obfuscating items. True love is incompatible with fear. As you begin increasing your awareness of fear, you will begin hating the fear and how it dominated your life. Once you have begun telling yourself the truth, then you can take steps to secure your safety.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
