Have you ever considered the difference between ‘separation’ and ‘running away?’ If you don’t know the difference than this is an option you’ll want to re-think.
First, there’s a difference between the two. With separation, one party leaves, yet there are definite goals involved.
These goals work best when they are written down and shared with you and your spouse.
When both of you know the goals, it takes stress off of your situation. With goals, each of you has a clear idea of what’s expected. You know what has to happen for things to work out.
Goals also keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.
During affair recovery, keeping the lines of communication open is critical for the life of your marriage. Avoiding each other doesn’t reduce problems, it makes them worse.
Running away happens when you leave without goals or a plan. Keep in mind that if you can’t express your goal or plan, you really don’t have one.
Running away is a form of avoidance. You may tell yourself that it’s temporary or just for a little while. If you don’t have goals, then it’s not temporary. It’s an open-ended avoidance.
You or your spouse is avoiding intimacy and vulnerability. Yes, it keeps you away from one type of pain, but it brings in the pain of isolation and being alone.
Running away also creates more tension in your marriage relationship. It leaves both of you hanging in a state of unsure anxiety. You don’t know where you stand or what the status of your marriage is or even in your still have a marriage.
Your goals don’t have to be complicated, yet they do need to be clear. You goal is what you are hoping to accomplished or what needs to be done before you return.
This is also important when you kick your spouse out of your home. Let them know what is required before they return. Just booting them out doesn’t resolve anything.
It you’re serious about changing things, the first place to start is by opening up the lines of communication. In the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I share ways of opening up communication.
Rather than each of you living in your own worlds, you can instead be working on improving your relationship with each other. Click and download the video today and within minutes you can start changing things.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
