Many of you may be wanting your marriage to survive the affair. In your determination to save your marriage you find yourself making wishes about what will happen. You may even refer to your ‘wishing’ as ‘hope’. There is a big difference between ‘wishing’ and ‘hoping’. Getting those two ideas confused can lead to many problems and heartaches. For there to be ‘hope’, you have to have a solid promise. Besides there being a solid promise, the person making the promise has to have the power to fulfill what has been promised. When the person promising something has the ability to make it happen, and you trust in what they tell you, then you are dealing with ‘hope’.
What often passes as a cheap substitute for hope is ‘wishing’ or ‘wishcraft’. Wishcraft is the whole idea of ‘imagining’ a desired outcome and by the sheer power of your will, start to make it happen. If it sounds like witchcraft to you, that is because ‘wishing’ like this is a technique from witchcraft. This type of wishing is akin to the ‘name and claim it’ craze in some churches, where if you and other conspirators ‘agree’ with your wish, then you can ‘make it happen’. When this kind of thinking is used in giving guidance to people like you who are recovering from an affair, the outcome can be dangerous. It can lead you to assume that your marriage will work out, just because you want it to. Out of sheer will power you start to subscribe to the idea that if you ‘believe’ in a positive outcome enough that it will happen. When it does not, you may believe that either God let you down or that He hates you or that you did not have enough belief. When it does work out, then you start to believe that having enough ‘positive’ energy is the key to making things happen. All you have to do is imagine a better outcome and with enough belief and effort you can make it happen. Either way, you have been deceived.
There is nothing wrong with being optimistic or hoping for the best. Assuming that you can change your spouse with having enough ‘positive vibes’ is deceptive. Real hope exists in the promises made and the ability to make good on those promises. Some cheater do turn around and honor their promises. They often ‘wake-up’ to what is going on then choose to make good on the promises made to you in their marriage vows to you. If your spouse is a promise-breaker, who has no intention whatsoever of making good on their promises, then you can not hope in them. You may have to remind them of the promises they made.
It is the awakened awareness of the promises that will turn them around rather than you sending out ‘good vibes’ or even ‘light’. Yes, there are people that assume that when you imagine your spouse surrounded by light you sent out, that it will change them.
When you are hurting and going through recovery from an affair, you need ‘real’ hope, not just the smoke and mirrors of wishing. Although you may call it ‘hoping’, for it to be hope, you have to have a promise. If there is no promises, then what you are placing your faith in is not hope, but instead it is a wish.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
