Besides the denial of what occurred, there are other types of denial at work. The denial is at work in both you and your spouse. The second one considered is denial of what you felt on finding out about the affair.
Denial of what you felt. Another major area of denial concerns what emotions you felt. This includes the emotions you felt toward yourself, and toward your spouse. Sometimes a discrepancy exists between the emotions you expressed and the emotions you experienced. Since the shock of an affair often triggers vulnerability and helplessness, and those emotions are not desirable, they are often covered up by other emotions. There may be strong hostile feelings aroused by what happens. In some cases there is curiosity and arousal along with the hostility. Rather than give in to these emotions, and assume if you feel them, it must be so. Instead view them as part of the barometer of your emotional state. They are revealing aspects of the turbulence, tension and mood of the relationship along with your needs.
More on denial later.
Regards,
Jeff Murrah
