Affairs are often filled with secrets. Besides the secrets, they are also filled with lies and denial. Denial comes in many forms.
Denial of what happened. The first denial is denying what is occurring. There is often a gap in time between when an affair is suspected and when the evidence is so overwhelming that you can not deny what is going on or what happened. Denial of what happened may be complete, or denying portions of what happened. In many ways, making excuses for your spouse is a form of denying what occurred. Denial can be very strong. I have seen a spouse not hear when the wayward adulterer confesses due to the strength of denial. It could be that your spouse tried saying things to you or even telling your outright, but denial kept you from hearing what was said.
Besides being strong, it is a very real obstacle to communication. Denial has a way of distorting and twisting what is said and heard. If you suspect that denial is at work, clarify with your spouse what you thought you heard.
Regards,
Jeff Murrah
