In the day to day life of marriage, I’ve learned about what’s important. One of those items is having ‘moral accountability’. There are times I hear questions from my wife bringing me to accountability.
She’s learned ways of holding me morally accountable for my choices and behaviors. Through trial and error, she’s learned ways of getting my attention and bringing me to account without nagging or harping on things.
Although I would like to say that I always set a good example and make the wisest of choices, I can’t.
Here’s some thoughts on moral accountability.
First, words like ‘always‘ and ‘never‘ pose problems. When your spouse uses the term, it’s a yellow flashing signal of some approaching danger.
When they use those terms, they are holding you accountable for something. Rather than argue, you need to find out what they need.
I’ve found the practice of moral accountability one of those qualities needed in a healthy marriage. Although it’s needed, it takes trial and error getting there.
Moral accountability happens when is each party takes responsibility for their emotions and contributions to the behavior.
When it’s missing, you’ll likely find yourself caught up in some variation of the attack and defend see-saw if you have any kind of accountability.
Accountability is far from nagging. Nagging consists of always finding fault with them or their actions.
Nagging often includes words like “always” and “never“. Although those words are used in holding one spouse accountable, it comes across like attacks and ways of tearing them down.
Tearing down your spouse weakens your marriage. It also takes the joy out of them wanting to be with you.
When you are recovering from an affair, taking the joy out of your marriage removes motivation for making changes. When there’s no motivation, making changes becomes drudgery.
When you are facing challenges like finding ways of having moral accountability without nagging, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find new ways of dealing with your spouse along with realizing you’re not alone.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
