At a conference I attended a couple years ago, the speaker said something that got me thinking. His comment has so much truth in it that something inside gave it an “Amen!” and “He’s right you know!”
What he said that triggered that reaction was “There are no side effects to medications. There are only effects.” He went elaborated on what are commonly referred to as side effects are actually some of the effects of the medications.
It got me thinking about the term “side effect” and how it might actually be causing us to have a negative reaction (and often times misuse) toward medications.
You see the ads for medications filled with warnings of side effects and suddenly realize that all those are actually part of the effects of the medication.
Take for instance the medication that became prozac. The extended erection effect was originally an unwanted side effect of the medication. Someone came up with the idea of promoting the medication for this effect instead of its original purpose and viola! The world has prozac.
We just call some of the reactions ‘side’ effects, so that their impact is downplayed. Even in the television drug commercials, the side effects are mentioned either very quickly or at a low volume in order to distract you from them.
Somehow when you call them ‘side effects’, you consider them as less likely or less serious. It’s playing head games with yourself.
The speaker’s comment started my mind replaying all the pharmaceutical commercials in my head. They loudly proclaim the desired effect, yet the side effects, like death or heart attacks are downplayed rather than treating all the effects equally.
In the end, calling them side effects is a great marketing ploy. It creates an impact on you that lessens the impact of what could be serious adverse reactions to medications.
Now I get it! Medications aren’t just chemicals administered in order to cure or alleviate symptoms. They are like everything else in our lives: tools used by us.
Since I focus on affairs, my mind jumped to that topic in terms of the effects of affairs on you and your family. The actions of the cheater starts a chain reaction of effects.
Just like the drug companies downplay their side effects, the cheater downplays the effects of their choices on you and on other family members.
They minimize the effects of their choice claiming it won’t effect their parenting, they still have feelings for you, or how they never intended on hurting you.
They may even claim that some of the effects are actually “your problem” or your child’s problem. When your child acts up at school, they’ll be quick in blaming the child or chemical imbalances rather than seeing it’s connection with the affair.
Your child is struggling with what happened. They know that the family has changed and that the most important relationship in their life has been damaged. Their security and future is suddenly jeopardized. It’s no wonder they act up in dealing with what was just thrown in their lap.
Just as with the medication, we must learn to look at all the effects of an affair on ourselves and our families. They are all parts of what happened. We have to look at them in order to fully recognize and deal with them.
We can’t just call some things side effects (of affairs) and then not acknowledge that they’re directly connected to the cheater’s bad choices.
The chemical imbalances may have been there, yet the tensions that came with the affair pulled the trigger. The affair impacts your moods, it stresses out your body, changed the behavior of your children and your health.
The cheater wants you to put on blinders that keep you from seeing the whole picture. They don’t want to see or you to see all the effects of their choices. They don’t want to see the connections. Like the drug companies, they’re downplaying the side effects of their side chick.
When you and your spouse start viewing the big picture of the full range of the effects, it changes you. It changes how you look at relationships. You realize that affairs aren’t ‘recreational sex’. The affair isn’t something just between two adults. There’s much more to them than someone finding themselves or having fun.
When you see the full picture you also see the need for taking action. Ignoring all the effects of the affair keeps you from making good choices.
If the cheater’s been keeping the full picture from you, now is the time for action. I now have some time slots open for consultations and telephone counseling. If you are interested, contact me via email Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for times and availability.
The time for taking action is now.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
