According to a biological study by Buss and Shackleford (1997) on infidelity, there are three main factors underlying the behavior. Those three factors are sexual dissatisfaction in the marriage, narcissism and low conscientiousness. Each of these items are worth looking into, if only for your own curiosity. In looking at their findings, one of the questions that runs through my mind is which came first, the chicken or the egg? In this case, did the sexual dissatisfaction come first, or did they start fantasizing about other lovers? If your spouse is fantasizing about others, it is only a matter of time before they become sexually dissatisfied. The cheater assumes that the grass is greener in some other pasture. In the case of narcissism, the narcissistic traits are how they get their needs met. We have addressed some of that here. In many cases, early traumas or unhealthy practices are a factor in developing the narcissism. It is not helped by a society that constantly bombards you with advertising and shows that encourage more narcissism.
In terms of low conscientiousness, we have also addressed how the moral choices made in the head of the cheater occurs before the act itself. When the cheater sees nothing wrong with cheating, or straying, etc., it is only a matter of time before they act on their beliefs.
The authors of the study view infidelity as something that is hard-wired into humans. I do not agree with such an assertion. Some cheaters come from families or cultures where cheating is condoned and encouraged, yet that does not mean that it is hard wired. It creates a situation where they are more prone to cheat, yet even those tendencies can be overcome by making conscious choices to maintain fidelity.
The authors also pointed out that infidelity by the wife is the leading cause of spousal homicide. That is an area of concern. Remaining loyal to your spouse is also a way to improve your lifespan, while cheating is a way to shorten it. Imagine if all the hype currently devoted to guns was redirected toward ending infidelity and showing the number of spouses killed related to their cheating. In a short period of time, many people would rethink their cheating. I doubt that society will expose the life threatening dangers of cheating, since so many people make money from cheating or benefit in some other way from condoning cheaters.
I thought that you all would want some things to think about and discus. Research such as this will give you plenty to consider.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
