In searching through the keywords used in looking for material on affairs, I saw one that jumped out at me. The person entered “Cheaters deny deny deny“. From their repeated use of the word deny, it’s clear that they’re pretty frustrated with the denial.
Denial can be amazingly strong. I recall an incident where my mother-in-law made accusations to my wife about some volunteer work she did. The news story presented where she volunteered in a negative light.
My mother-in-law believed every word without hesitation. Rather than believe her own daughter, she chose instead to believe a fake news story recently run on the local news station.
On seeing this unfold, I was dumbfounded. The level of her denial amazed me. It revealed the authoritative power of the news reporter over someone who was actually on site.
This showed me the power of denial. It’s powerful enough to overpower family bonds. Denial interrupts communication and pushes out any possibility of considering other options.
My mother-in-law was convinced of what she perceived as ‘the truth’ and she was determined not to consider anything else. Having seen this, I fully understand and appreciate Joe Biden’s comment that “We choose truth over the facts”.
The statement captures the mindset of cheaters. They choose their own truth over the facts. When denial takes over, it brings determination with it. With denial, cheaters choose their truth over the facts.
This puts you in a position where you can either frustrate yourself trying to convince them of another truth or give up or act on the truth you know. If you give up, it puts you in a mental bind where you’re torn between what you’ve been told and what you know.
That mental bind is emotionally tormenting. Its’ also aggravating to attempt changing the mind of the one doing the denying.
This is often when you have to stand on the truth that you know, whether or not the cheater, their family or friends validate your truth. Truth is still truth even when the cheater denies it.
Since they see events differently than you, they may connect the facts way different than you do. The two of you are looking at the same events and facts, yet come up with different conclusions.
Viewing things that differently lead to communication problems. Both of you may be expressing yourselves well, yet are unable to consider each other’s viewpoints.
When situations like this happen, you need some improvements in communication. The two of you may be able to say things to each other, but may be saying it in a way that is missing each other.
Improving your communication always pays dividends. In the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I’ll show you ways of moving past the communication defenses.
There are ways of expressing yourself without putting your spouse on the defensive. Imagine how much better things could be when neither of you starts getting defensive when touching on sensitive issues.
Imagine how much more peaceful your home can be without the communication breakdown.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
