Recent events reminded me that a sudden traumatic event sends your life into a tailspin. A late night call suddenly forced my wife and I to quickly change our plans. The direction and flow of our lives took a sudden turn.
Life can change directions with a phone call. The direction you’re headed suddenly changes in a radical way. Rather than taking a relaxing drive through the Smoky Mountains, we found ourselves rushing to Clear Lake Medical Center in Webster, Texas to see family members who were in an accident. Events were moving so fast that we found ourselves forgetting to eat and drink at times. So we were surrounded by stressful events on the outside and sending our bodies into shock on the inside.
The sudden change of events hit us like an unexpected sharp turn on a freeway. It caught us by surprise and just reacting without doing much thinking. We found ourselves in trauma mode. We were thinking more about our loved ones than ourselves. Although we did not fully realize it, the speed of life had picked up and was ripping through us at an incredible pace. An uncontrollable force was hurtling us into a sea of unknowns and unpredictabilities.
Life is unpredictable.
Things had to be repeated to us several times before the information sunk in. We were listening, but our bodies were in trauma mode. There was too much happening for us to think and process things. We did not have time to think or analyze what was happening.
So we allowed ourselves to be swept up in the moment. Our emotions overwhelmed our rational thought. Again this is a powerful force that overwhelms your body. We also found ourselves riding that emotional roller coaster between moods.
Even when we were finally away from the situation, it was difficult to calm down. Although traumas come on fast, they don’t leave as fast as they arrive. The after-effects of stress chemicals in your body lingers for days and have an impact on your emotional state. Sometimes a little is ok, but too much causes problems.
We all have different ways to deal with stressful events that happen unexpectedly in our lives. I don’t mean the little things that pop up every day.
The effects stick around long after the triggering event is over.
Your reaction to the affair may have caught you unprepared as well. You suddenly found yourself facing situations and decisions you never imagined. You feel things that you didn’t know you were capable of. You feel anger that never existed before. You may not have been prepared for the broken covenant of trust between you and your spouse.
As a result, you feel your body’s chemistry go into overdrive. You feel caught in a power struggle between two opposing forces. One force pushed us to react quickly without thinking things through while the other wants to put life on hold.
Calming yourself down after a traumatic event presents a challenge. After you’ve made it through the toughest part, you still stay on alert. It shows up in the form of difficulty sleeping, decreased appetite, trouble thinking straight and general restlessness.
Once you’re in trauma mode, you can get stuck. Being stuck there is a miserable place to be. Stress chemicals linger after the trauma and you can get caught in an emotional roller coaster.
Traumas show up in your life when unexpected stressors happen, but it’s not just external events that cause you to feel stressed or traumatized. You may have also dealt with traumas during childhood or previous relationships.
Those events have a way of resurfacing during current traumas.
You stay ‘on alert’ when you want to relax. Trauma mode can happen to the cheater or the betrayed. It is not limited to one or the other. If anything, both of you are likely stressed out, but not realizing the extent of it.
If you are stuck in the ‘trauma state’, the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you through the process of coming back to normal. You need extra help when you’ve been stuck there for a while.
In the video, you’ll learn ways of coming back to who you were before all the upheaval.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
