A few years ago, in one of my posts on “Java with Jeff” at the Restored Lifestyle site, I talked about those who consider infidelity impossible to forgive. This is one of those affair topics I address on a regular basis.
My inspiration for the post was the release of a poll addressing the impossibility of forgiving adultery in England.
The poll was among those professing Christian values. The poll findings surprised me that so many considered infidelity unforgiveable in a population that places a high value on forgiveness.
The poll found that 23% of the respondents considered infidelity ‘impossible to forgive’. This is about 1/4 of the 2,000 plus respondents. For them, infidelity is impossible to forgive.
Although I’ve often encountered spouses with the ‘impossible’ mindset, I didn’t have the bird’s eye view of what percentage of people feel that way. The poll provided valuable insights into how people really feel about cheating.
Looking at the issue from a different perspective, it’s interesting to note that more than half (54%) of those polled reported being able to forgive infidelity. This could be seen as an encouraging sign for couples dealing with affairs.
When you consider infidelity ‘impossible to forgive’ it limits your options. Taking that position literally trains your brain to not even consider forgiveness an option.
It limits the ability of your marriage to recover from what happened. It puts blinders on your vision for the future and your marriage.
It puts the cheater into a position of hopelessness. When there’s no hope of forgiveness, the ‘why bother’ attitude kicks in. At that point, they lose any motivation for working through things.
In recovering from an affair, removing hope lessens everyone’s motivation for working things out. Removing hope also triggers fears.
When enough fears are generated, it fights against love as a dominant emotion governing your thinking. When fear takes over your heart and mind, it’s a form of torment.
The moment you put the label of ‘impossible’ on infidelity, your mind and heart lock up. At that moment, barriers are erected preventing the two of you from reconnecting. At that moment, a wall is put up separating the two of you.
It’s a mistake to consider infidelity ‘impossible’ to forgive. While it may be difficult and challenging, forgiveness is possible with the right support and tools.
If you’re dealing with an affair, don’t let your love story end at the point of betrayal. Instead, open yourself up to the possibility of forgiveness.
I considered the ramifications of the poll. One ramification is that some people don’t know how to forgive infidelity. If you don’t know how to do it, then forgiving would be ‘impossible’. It’s hard doing something that you’ve never learned how to do.
It could be you’re not ready to forgive. Not being ready to forgive has its own set of problems. When you’re not ready, there’s still hope for your relationship.
If forgiveness is an issue that has you facing a roadblock or confronting the unpleasant, or the stepping into the unknown, there’s hope. In the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the walls, and Remove the roadblocks”, you can learn how to forgive.
I encourage you to click and download the video. After downloading it, watch it and put the material into practice as soon as you can.
You no longer have to guess at how to do it, or throw a positive mental attitude at the problems.
You can instead know what’s involved in letting go of the offense. There’s a huge difference between removing offenses and throwing positive mental attitude remarks at a painful situation.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
