Over the years I’ve come to realize that each vocational field has its’ own sayings. These are the phrases used by those in that field who understand the terms and its’ application.
From the field of mechanics to business and even to family counseling. One of the sayings used in family counseling is “The problem isn’t the problem. The problem is the solution.”
Although it sounds tricky, the saying conveys an important truth. That truth is that the problem actually lies in the unhealthy solutions people have to their struggles.
Take affairs for instance. The cheater uses the affair as their solution to some struggle in their life.
This means that the root problem is some other struggle. The root problem is hidden behind the twisted thinking that emphasizes sex as a solution to their issues and their willingness to step outside of the bounds of marriage to attain it.
This isn’t to say that cheaters aren’t responsible for their actions, but it does offer insight into why they persist in their behavior.
To put it bluntly, sick thinking leads to sick behavior. The affair started inside of them long before they did something with their lover.
When you start seeing the root struggle this way, you can deal with the problem instead of staying focused on the symptoms or blaming yourself for the affair.
The affair itself is the result of their unhealthy thinking and proposed solution to their issues. They used the affair as a way of fixing something inside them.
The unhealthy thinking includes exaggeration and distortions. They make the situation worse in their mind, so that having an affair is an acceptable solution to the problem.
In recovery circles, this is referred to as a ‘self-serving crisis’. In all likelihood, the cheater blew some problem out of context in order to justify their solution of cheating.
When dealing with a cheating spouse or partner, it is important to understand this concept. Otherwise you could be wasting your time focusing on the affair and not getting to the root of the problem.
In recovering from the affair, this root problem needs addressing if you hope to save your marriage. I address these concerns in my video on Overcoming Affair Relapse. In it you’ll find out more concerning patterns to look for along with ways of interrupting those patterns.
When you change the patterns, you start changing their thinking and behavior.
Click and download the video today because the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be dealing with the root problem rather than getting caught up in symptoms that distract you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
