Dealing with the hard realities of doing things alone and time.

One of the hard realities of dealing with affairs is that someone else is not going to fix everything. Although you may have been taught since childhood that either the government, the US Army, the church, the counselor or even your family will fix things, when you are faced with an affair, they are not their to fix it. You have to face the reality that some part of what you are dealing with you have to either face alone or fix alone. Sure, all those outside entities may provide support, but they can not do it for you. There are some things that you have to do alone. Only you know what you are feeling and thinking. Only you know your spouse in that special way that only spouses’ know. This is your marriage and your life and you are the one that is going to have to make the choices. Sure it is always easier letting someone else fix it, change it, or do it for you, yet in this case, it won’t work.

Neither the government, the pastor, the family, or friends will be able to make your spouse come back, or make you love them or make you forgive them, or them forgive you.

The other reality besides having to do some things on your own, is that it will take time. Expecting the change to happen quickly sets you up for disappointment. It takes time for changes to start taking place. Although in the fairy stories you can wave a magic wand and ‘viola!’ it’s done, real life does not operate like that. You may have to do the right thing day after day after day before you get any slight sign of ‘viola!’. Time keeps everything from happening at once. Although sudden changes sound nice, the reality is, if something can change that fast one way, it can do so the other way. You want changes that take time so that they will be solid and real.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah