There are times I wonder if the children growing up today are missing out on dealing with travel issues. With all the hand held devices and DVD’s, today’s children miss out on finding ways of self-soothing during long trips. They miss out on the challenge of the old question, “How much longer?” or “When will we get there?”
Although I recall the discomfort of long trips, it was during those times I gained an appreciation of learning map reading and appreciating mile marker signs. I also developed landmarks for tracking those long repeat trips between Houston and San Antonio.
There are time you find yourself asking “How long does affair recovery take?” You know the affair is over, but wonder “How much longer?” or “When will we get there?”
These are tough questions for any counselor to honestly tackle. The best answer I’ve heard was from Harold, the quiet, unassuming drug counselor I worked with at ‘The Shoulder’ in Houston. Harold pointed out that it typically takes one month for each year of them being ‘sick’.
In the case of affairs, the cheater’s been thinking about the affair long before it happened. The cheater’s likely been sick for a lot longer than the affair lasted.
There could also be childhood issues behind the affair, which means recovery will take longer than you first assumed. You may want to think of recovery as an internal reset for the cheater. It takes time for all the emotions and thinking to get healthy.
The reason it takes so long is that you’ve got to purge the bad and unhealthy thinking along with negative habits. It’s not just removing the bad stuff.
Then there’s the issue of you focusing on a timeline rather than reaching healthy thinking. Timeline thinking is about fitting affair recovery to your timetable rather than healing your marriage.
You’ve got to replace the void left behind with better stuff. Unhealthy thinking has a way of filling any voids it comes across. Relapses in affair thinking are also a concern.
With a few moments of daydreaming, a cheater can put recovery back further. It takes a while to master self-soothing in a healthy manner. You also need an affair relapse prevention plan.
If you don’t have an affair relapse prevention plan or have an incomplete one, unhealthy thinking could work its way into your cheater’s head and heart. The video “Preventing Affair Relapse” guides you in dealing with relapse including developing a good relapse prevention plan.
Poor planning produces poor results, even when it comes to affair recovery. Not having an affair relapse plan or having a poor one leaves the problems undone.
Putting your expectations on a timeline is one sign of poor affair recovery planning.
Take action and order the video today in order to prevent costly slips and relapses from ruining your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
