Many times you and the cheater have the right diagnosis of relationship problems. It is very likely that something is missing, or that the two of you have drifted away from each other or that you feel empty. In each of these cases, the diagnosis may be correct. You may be correctly sensing what the problem or symptoms are. Where you and the cheater are making errors is the prescription. The solution that is being sought is where the problem lies. Having and affair as a solution never fixes anything. Wrong solutions to problems never fixes the problem.
There may be serious problems in your marriage. An affair or another lover is never the solution to such problems. They may distract or divert attention from the real source of the problem. Having an affair or bringing a lover into the situation only muddies the water and makes it more confusing to everyone involved. When everyone is hurting and seeking answers, they become desperate. In their desperation, they begin reaching for straws rather than address the relationship issues needing their attention. In other words, they create NEW relationship problems rather than fix the ones that already exist.
You and the cheater may very well be right in acknowledging that there are problems in your relationship. Where the mistake lies is in the solutions to the problem.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
