The saying “If you want them back, you have to put out the Welcome mat” has some solid truth you may want to consider. In the aftermath of an affair, it’s natural to be angry, hurt and want to ‘let the cheater have it’.
The reality is, they are your spouse. Letting them ‘have it’ may push them away rather than draw them back. When you push them away, they nurse their hurts with their lover, which gives the lover the opportunity to nurture/protect the cheater.
It gives their role another dimension, which literally opens up another front in the war for your spouses’ heart. When the lover was just a play toy, you had an advantage.
When you hurt your spouse followed by pushing them away, it turns the ‘play toy’ into part of their support system.
The Cheater needs confronting, while at the same time putting out the welcome mat in order to encourage them to come back to you. If being with you is only associated with guilt, shame and pain, while being with the lover provides encouragement, admiration and support, it only becomes a matter of time to figure out where the best place to go is.
People, including your spouse tend to go ‘down the path of least resistance’. In this case, they’re going where there is the least amount of drama and conflict. You do not want every interaction they have with you to be one of conflict.
When every interaction is filled with conflict, it discourages them from returning. Consider the reason why they should be coming back to you.
There are times that you will need to put out the welcome mat. I discuss this in greater detail in the download “Affair Recovery Workshop”. You’ll know when the mat is needed along with what needs to be done before that.
Best Regards,
Jeff
