When an affair happens, among the many challenges you face is the trap of self-doubt. The affair shakes you to your foundation, creating uncertainty about you and your ability to be a good spouse. You begin to doubt your ability to communicate, to be a spouse, to be a parent along with your functioning in other areas of your life as well. Although the cheater has rejected you in favor of another it does not mean that you have failed. Although they may have told you that you have failed, that does not mean that you have. The self-doubt often leaves you questioning everything about yourself. It may even leave you feeling like you are going crazy. You may begin to question everything about your world and surroundings. That time of questioning and having doubts is part of what happens when working through an affair. It may take days or weeks to work through the uncertainty. It is like regaining your sea legs. You have to develop an ability to flex as your relationship faces ups and downs during this time. Developing flexibility is key to adjusting to this phase of the affair. The affair will keep you off balance. Being able to re-adjust yourself, or ‘right your boat’ to use an expression from sailing is what you need. There will be no concrete answers during this time. If there were, you would have to go through the experience again and again. As the feelings of the cheater and lover change, the answers change. Building your life around unstable people is a sure way to get seasick.
Recognize that the cheater and the lover are unstable. When you do that, you can begin to gain your stability.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
