The process of forgiving is not an easy one. It is easier to get even and to remain angry at your spouse long after the offense has been made. You may not want anything to do with them. You may find yourself saying “There is no way I could ever live with that cheat”.
Forgiveness is counter-intuitive. There are many reasons in our head as to why we should not forgive. If you spend enough time thinking you can come up with numerous reasons not to forgive. Why should you forgive when you have been wronged already? Why forgive them when they will just do it again? How can I forgive such a big hurt? …
I do not have answers for each of those questions. Each is a valid question. What I have found is that once those questions start coming, they have a way of overwhelming us. Do such questions bring the two of you closer together? In most cases they do not. Holding a grudge keeps distance between you two. Tormenting yourself with questions creates confusion. Forgiveness is a way to improve closeness. Forgiveness also clears up the confusion.
If you want to pull away from them and create distance, then keep asking the questions. If you want to improve the relationship and get close to yoru spouse, you may need to let go of those questions.
Consider the alternative. When you do not forgive, you hold grudges, hurt, and desires for revenge in your heart. Holding on to that emotional garbage is costly! It takes great amounts of emotional energy to keep holding onto such items. You might spend sleepless nights, insomnia, hypertension, and even risks heart attacks because you are afraid to let go of your claims and forgive the person who wronged you. Are you inflicting pain on the person who has done you wrong? No! You are inflicting pain on yourself! When you grow tired of hurting, then you can begin forgiving.
Holding onto your pain does not make your partner hurt. In order to stop the pain, you will need to let go of it. Letting go of the pain and the desire for revenge is a way to begin healing.
