There are some relationships in my life that impacts my self-confidence in a negative way. Being around some people immediately changes the energy. It’s as if it suddenly drains from me when I’m around them.
Prior to being around them, I felt good about things and within a few minutes of even being near them, it leaves me. The sudden change left me wondering what’s behind this change in confidence.
On looking deeper into this change, I uncovered some uncomfortable truths. What I found was that confidence isn’t about pride or competence, it’s instead about trust.
I say that based on how you feel confident when you trust yourself and those around you. Contrast this to having the same skill set, yet you’re surrounded by those you don’t trust.
Keep in mind you haven’t changed. The only thing changed is being around those you don’t trust or in situations that aren’t trustworthy.
On first uncovering that truth, I didn’t want to believe it, yet on closer examination of each of those relationships, there were some trust issues going on there as well. Confidence is about trust rather than skill, talent or ability.
I then saw its application to infidelity and swinging. It helped me see this quality in a new light.
Take for instance a reader who used the phrase, “…after swinging my self-confidence is gone.” When you understand that self-confidence is about trust more than courage or ability, the statement conveys a solid truth.
With both affairs and swinging, trust is damaged by what happens. You may not want to see the connection between the trust and confidence, but it’s there.
What you think is confidence or boldness on the part of the cheater, it more about them being brazen or calloused than it is about being confident. If it was ‘true’ confidence, then they would be trustworthy and dependable.
The cheater may act bold, but what’s behind it isn’t confidence. So if there’s a part of you that thinks they are ‘confident’, you’re fooling yourself and they are fooling themselves.
If you want your confidence back, the answer lies in rebuilding trust. This includes making yourself trust worthy and repairing the trust between you and your spouse. They also have to show themselves trustworthy if you want real confidence.
A good place for starting that rebuilding is with the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” In it, I share with you what trust it, what the formula for trust is and what’s needed in rebuilding trust.
Order your copy today and start on the pathway of regaining the confidence you once had.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
