Although manipulation and affairs go hand in hand, there are still many considerations. Affairs by their very nature are filled with manipulation.
The betrayer manipulates, the lover manipulates and you may be manipulating as well. Manipulation happens typically when someone uses their persuasiveness for selfish or self-centered purposes.
Affairs by their very nature are surrounded by selfishness. An affair only occurs within an atmosphere of selfishness.
So when the question “Can you be manipulated into an affair?” comes up, the answer is definitely “yes“. Being manipulated into an affair is called ‘seduction’.
Where things get sticky is when you consider how much someone was manipulated and how much they allowed themselves to be manipulated. With an affair, you find mutual manipulation. Each of the parties were employing some forms of manipulation and passivity.
Affairs filled with manipulation typically have a ‘hook’. The ‘hook’ is often an offer of sex or attention, which appeals to selfishness from the seducer. The person being manipulated (or seduced) assumes they can indulge without being found out.
Like a good sales technique, the offer is just too good to resist. The desire for the product has been aroused and it overpowers any downside at that moment.
It may start off with just sexual talking and joking which systematically increases until aroused sensuality temporarily shuts down their conscience. The victim wants gratification and doesn’t consider consequences.
In such cases, they were manipulated along with allowing the manipulation to escalate. They either didn’t see the danger or think that they could handle the danger before things got out of hand.
In that case, they ended up manipulating themselves, thinking they could indulge without consequences. All the manipulation by all parties has selfishness at its core.
I’ve also seen the pity version where creepers prey on emotional weaknesses. I view this as manipulative as well.
Instead of promising sex, they creep in during times of emotional vulnerability and then work on sex-panding their role in their victims life.
Whether you’re dealing with a seducer, creeper, poacher, or blackmailer some form of manipulation is being used, whether it be against someone else or themselves, it’s at work.
Your best defense against such threats is having a strong marriage with equally strong communication and trust. If the trust isn’t as strong as it was, it’s time for a tune-up.
Download the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” and restore your trust back to where it needs to be. You’ll discover the Trust Formula and what’s needed in restoring trust levels.
When trust is strong, the threats posed by manipulation are reduced. There will always be attempts at manipulating you and your spouse, but you can learn ways of resisting it.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
