There are times I need reminders of the basics. It’s not so much that I have forgotten them, it’s more that I need reminding of what I already know.
This was reinforced to me in a conversation I had with one of my sons. We were having a heart to heart conversation and during the course of it, I was reminded of how I needed reminding of basic ideas about parenting and communication.
This is why some of the outstanding coaches in the world of sports are known for how they remind their team of the basics. Those initial lessons help point you in the right direction and keep focus on the important things.
Many times the complicated situations that come along are solved by remembering those basic lessons. This applies to affairs and affair recovery as well. Being reminded of the basics helps you maintain a clear direction in your recovery.
When a ready wanted to know what are the questions to ask in affair recovery, it was another reminder of the importance of the basics.
With affair recovery one of the basics is “What is happening?” Following this question with “What do you really know?” is a good start.
I like starting here since your mind often races ahead with wild imaginations. Your own fantasies make dealing with the affair more challenging.
You have to consider what’s going on and what you know for sure rather than what you ‘think’ is happening and what that brings. What you think is happening often brings fear and traps you in an emotional prison.
Your mind may even jump to imagining what the cheater is thinking and feeling. Rather than go to that place, stick with what you know for sure. All you know is what you see and what you hear.
Your ability to see into their heart is limited by what they tell you. Anything beyond that is filled with assumptions and fantasies.
Before you can move forward, it helps knowing where you’re at and being clear as to what you actually know. It also helps taking recovery one day at a time. Rather than think about what you’re going to do in a month or year, focus on now and today.
In my video on “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”, I address the questions needing your attention in the early days of discovering what’s going on. It gets back to the basics of coming to grips with what happened to you.
Having imaginary conversations and tackling situations that don’t even exist is wasting your time and emotions. In the early days of recovery you need time and emotional energy for yourself, not for imagined scenarios.
You can download that video within a few minutes. Rather than searching for what to do, you can have a clear plan and direction in navigating through the affair fog.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
