The holidays and the family times that come with them trigger reflection and nostalgia within me. When I start reflecting I make it a point of considering not only the times I went through, but also what I learned from them.
It does little good to reflect without considering what you’ve learned or how those times changed your life. In my mind, it’s good to savor those moment, yet they mean more when I consider what lessons I learned from them.
It’s during those reflective considerations that it becomes clear what the important things are in my life.
It also becomes clear which relationships are the important ones. In the daily hustle and bustle, I often neglect the relationships that are most important. The family times remind me of the importance of my marriage and family.
In my workshops I mention that “Investing in your marriage always pays dividends”. During those times of reflection, it feels like I start taking in those dividends.
You spent years in your marriage. Affairs force you to re-evaluate your marriage and relationships. I know that relationships aren’t always smooth or easy.
With all the years you’ve invested in your marriage, your spouse may be worth a second chance. Even if you don’t save your marriage, having a workable relationship with your spouse prevents bigger problems.
When children are involved, you’ll still find yourself dealing with your spouse. A divorce only changes the battlefields and options you have.
All those years in the relationship were an education in learning ways of talking with and sharing with each other. There really was something that attracted you to them years ago. The spark may have faded, yet when given a chance, it can re-ignite old feelings again.
You know that you haven’t been perfect either. Both of you have imperfections and flaws. What’s important is learning ways of handling those flaws, temptations and moods. Finding ways of working together in recovering from the affair gives the two of you a common goal.
Wise men have pointed out the importance of ‘counting the cost’ of your endeavors. You’ve invested time and wealth into your marriage. It’s likely more expensive to start over with someone else.
If you haven’t resolved the issues in your marriage, it’s likely that you’ll take those unresolved issues into any future relationships as well. You need them more than you may want to admit. If they’re not resolved, you’ll find yourself repeating them in the form of finding the same type of personality of your spouse and same fights all over again.
If you want a way of investing in your marriage again, buy your copy of the Affair Recovery Workshop. It guides you through ways of developing intimacy, improve communication and repairing the damaged areas of your relationship.
Your marriage doesn’t have to stay in a wrecked state. You can take steps at turning it around and giving it and your spouse a second chance.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
