Hearing about spies and double agents makes for exciting plots in movies and books. Those kinds of situations make for intrigue and drama.
Take a look at the James Bond franchise and you can see how popular and profitable these kinds of stories are. The double agents make for popular reading and viewing.
When it comes to your marriage, the excitement and intrigue of someone leading a double life is different. All that drama looks very different when you’re caught up in it.
When you are surrounded by a spouse leading a double life, you wonder what’s the truth, where do loyalties actually lie, how much does your spouse know and other concerns. Those dilemmas make for great entertainment, but they’re a nightmare living through them.
It leaves you unsure as to what to believe and what’s going on.
I’ve encountered cheaters who lead double lives as they hide their infidelity. I’ve also encountered couples who together hide a secretive part of their lives. In some cases, the betrayed hides those parts out of their own shame concerning what happened.
There’s also the case of swingers hiding what they do from others or even their kids.
Although many reasons exists for leading a double life, they share common problems.
One effect is that deception and lies become a way of life. When you start using them in hiding your actions, you begin searing your own conscience. After a period of time, you’ll find yourself lying without remorse.
At those times, you train your mind and emotions in telling and believing the lies. You traffic in intentions rather than honesty. What you say or do is no longer as important as your intentions for doing so.
If you tell lies, you start focusing on the good intentions behind them. You start believing that since you intended not to hurt, the lies are acceptable.
At first its about hiding things, but over time, you start hiding truth from yourself. Your mind starts feeding you lies, with good intentions as well.
The longer you stay in the double-life, the harder it becomes in escaping it. The lies eventually catch up to you. After their shelf life expires, lies start stinking.
The way out begins when you start being honest with yourself. You may not like what you see or what you’ve done. Even though you don’t like it, acknowledging it and admitting it to yourself starts you on your journey out of it.
The honesty also begins a shift in your thinking and behavior. Those lies can be replaced with honesty. Where there was distrust and second-guessing can be replaced with trust.
In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I share how you can start turning things around. It provides you with the tools you need for escaping the double-life of affairs.
Imagine returning to a life where you no longer have to second-guess, and remember what you told to who. That kind of life can return to your marriage and family.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
