One of the common complaints I hear from betrayed spouses concerning the OW (Other woman)/love concerns their disregard of marriage. The complaint is typically, “She knew he was married..”
I understand that you expect others to control themselves and view those who are married as ‘off limits’. It’s as if you want a giant ‘no trespassing’ sign put on your spouse.
The wedding ring should also be a ‘no trespassing’ sign, assuming the cheater was wearing it at the time. Although your spouse should be off limits, they disregarded them.
The lover showed no respect of boundaries. Some lovers let their urges and fantasies overpower their judgment. They could also be at the point where they no longer care who they hurt.
It’s that second type that concerns me. Sure, they know that what they’re doing is hurting someone else, but they don’t care anymore.
I’ve met some lovers in this category. For them, affairs are a form of recreation. They view it as a form of fun and games. Perhaps this is why they are referred to as ‘slores’.
That means making appeals to them about decency, self-respect or self-discipline aren’t going to get you anywhere. They’re beyond that point.
If the lover cared about decency, self-respect or self-discipline, they wouldn’t have had the affair in the first place. At the moment they discovered the cheater was married, they would drop them.
You also have to wonder if the cheater was honest with them. Did the cheater tell them they are married or was there some other version of the story?
You were lied to and chances are the lover was lied to as well. When everyone involved is making decisions based on lies, you’ve got a mess on your hands.
Each party thinks their emotions and immediate needs are more important than everyone else’s. When everyone focuses on immediate needs instead of commitments or loyalties the situation becomes a free for all.
You can attack the lover, but that’s not going to make them change. Instead of lashing out, this is a time for repairing your marriage.
If you don’t focus on your marriage, all those other things you do only give temporary quick fixes. In those situations you’re fixing the wrong problems.
In my downloadable program Affair Recovery Workshop, you can learn ways of improving your marriage, changing priorities, rebuilding intimacy and connecting with your spouse better.
These are things that make your marriage stronger. They provide you with the tools needed in winning your spouse’s heart back along with silencing the influence of the lover.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
