A couple of years ago I finally tried zip lining. The experience was one filled with excitement and some trepidation.
It had the thrill of traveling quikcly across valleys from a whole new vantage point of being ‘above the canopy’. While giving me new sensations, I was also in a situation where I was not in control.
As I was enjoying the whole experience, the thought shot through my mind, “Jeff, you’re not in control of this situation“. I realized I was totally dependent on the wire and equipment while ziplining above the jungle floor.
I was trusting the equipment and the guides. Everything was outside of my control. It was great. At that moment I didn’t have to worry or concern myself with those things outside of my control.
Although I wasn’t in control, I wasn’t scared. I know from dealing with people that some of you react with fear anytime suddenly realize “you’re not in control”.
One of the early task anyone dealing with addiction faces is how their lives are ‘out of control’. Facing the whole control issue honestly is a huge hurdle.
When you honestly face the affair situation, there are some parts that are out of your control. No amount of wanting control, manipulating or punishing yourself will give you control over those parts.
The only choice you have is whether or not you ‘let go’ of those situations you can’t control. What makes then uncomfortable is that they are revealing things about yourself and your relationship that you have avoided.
You, like many addicts are having to face the issue of control and admitting to your struggles with being ‘out of control’.
Although it’s easy pointing out the cheater’s control issues, or other people’s control issues, things get scary when you confront your own control issues.
How you deal with that scary moment you suddenly realize you are not in control is important. It reveals much about faith, trust and control itself.
At that moment you are face to face with reality on a very deep level. You find out where your trust actually lies. Since trust and control are mutually exclusive, it presents some challenges.
For some of you, the realization that you’ve been relying on control and calling it trust is revealed. You may not like it, but it’s staring you in the face.
I address the issue of trust, including the control part in the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” There are ways of moving past your control issues.
Members of the Restored Lifestyle have access to that video and others as part of their benefits. You can join today and start trusting rather than controlling.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
