A while back, I conducted a survey known as the Affair Recovery Survey. After compiling the results and analyzing them, I learned new insights into affairs.
It was humbling in some ways, some of what I thought I knew, I was mistaken about. I tested many hypotheses about affairs and affair recovery. What I found was interesting and in some ways, concerning.
One of the surprises was “a person’s religious beliefs and convictions had little correlation with whether or not they would have an affair“. What this means is that they may believe affairs are wrong, yet it doesn’t stop them from having one.
They may be a good person with lustful thoughts or tempted at a weak moment. Just because they believe an affair is morally wrong doesn’t make them immune to having one.
It’s important to realize that we are all susceptible to temptation and affairs can happen to anyone. No one is exempt from the possibility of being unfaithful.
What I didn’t know from the survey is how extensive this problem is. The other day, I glimpsed how extensive the problem is.
I saw another survey about affairs reporting that 74% of men would have an affair if they wouldn’t get caught. In this case, what they believe or their values has little bearing on whether or not they cheat.
When I shared these results with my wife, her response was “that’s awful!”
I didn’t share with her how 68% of women said that they would have an affair if they didn’t get caught.
This means that good guys or men with good values are at risk of cheating along with good women. Cheating can happen to anyone regardless of what they believe.
With such a high number of men willing to cheat if they can get away with it, I realize it means that 3/4 of men will cheat if the circumstances are right.
That has me wondering about how committed they really are to their wives.
It tells me that even marriages with ‘good values’ have to be on constant guard against affairs. It also tells me that the fear of getting caught keeps people from having affairs more than their values do.
Your good values didn’t keep the affair from happening. They can help in preventing affair relapse though.
If you have been unfaithful, be grateful that your values system helped keep the affair from being even worse.
In my video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse“, the two of you will learn ways of keeping bad things from happening to good people again.
When the two of you work together in preventing affair relapse, you decrease the risk. You also learn what each other’s weak areas are and ways of protecting them from being exploited.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
