It’s not accidental that cheaters use terms like “fooling around” or “screwing around” in their description of their affair. At some level, they’re viewing sex as a recreational activity. They aren’t taking the affair seriously, you seriously or their marriage seriously.
They may even be straightforward honest and admit they were looking for fun. In that case, the association of sex with a recreational activity is clear.
It can be difficult to accept that your partner views sex with you as a recreational activity. If you’re deeply invested in your relationship and take your commitments seriously, it can feel like a personal rejection. You may wonder what’s wrong with you or if there’s something wrong with your relationship.
On the front end, recreational sex promises fun and excitement. When sex becomes purely recreational, there are consequences. Recreational sex produces alienation, conflicts, disease and guilt.
These outcomes are just the start of a series of mishaps. Like falling dominoes, these are just the first effects. There are more to come.
The secondary effects are the psychological impacts on you and your children. The affair spreads guilt and shame on every member of the family. It’s like they’ve become unclean because of the actions of one person.
The affair also creates an emotional distance in the family. The cheating spouse is emotionally unavailable and the betrayed spouse is consumed with anger, betrayal and sadness. This emotional distance can have a lasting impact on the children.
The guilt and shame eat away at self-confidence and security. Leaving every member of the family feeling alienated from each other and insecure on the inside. They may look like they have it together on the outside, but inside they’re a mess.
Then there are the long-term tertiary effect of how it weakens the marriages of their children and continue spreading self-loathing across the family. Attempts are made at dispelling the pain and discomfort, yet these efforts only intensify the misery.
What this means is that there are more long-term effect to an affair than the cheater imagined. What they thought was some adult fun creates something bigger than they ever imagined.
When sex is removed from the context of marriage and misused as recreation, there are consequences. If you are dealing with the traumatic effects of someone’s bad choices, now is the time for action.
In the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share with you ways of starting healing from the affair’s impact. Rather than letting the effects and resentments continue, now is the time to stop the long series of effects.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
