Yesterday, I shared the story about the former porn star who was found living in the storm sewers of Las Vegas. It’s not that she’s a homeless bag lady type of person, in fact she’s only 33 years old. In my mind, it’s tragic that someone that young is living in a storm sewer.
In considering the life lessons from her situations and that of other porn stars, there’s another big take away. Although the films and photos convey the image of successful, beautiful people having fun with multiple partners other than their spouses, the reality is very different.
In the porn industry, it all starts with a lie. The lie that starts it is their real name. I recognize that in the film industry names are often changed. In the porno world, names are intentionally changed.
Some want to hide their true identities, while others want more suggestive names, exaggerating their sexuality. Going extreme is viewed as having greater appeal.
Some of the ‘actors’ even have several names. (I say acting loosely. They call it acting, but they are actually having sexual relations for public consumption).
With several names, they can appear in many films under different identities.
With so many names, it leaves me wondering about the risk of alter identities and multiple personality issues developing. I know with victims of abuse, they often tell themselves that “this isn’t really happening to me, it’s happening to someone else”.
The actors and actresses may attribute what happened on screen to their screen persona, yet it was them.
The truth is, those acts are happening and they will bear the effects of them. They can lie to themselves, but it doesn’t change the truth of what’s going on.
I mention this in association with affairs, since one of the facts associated with business trip affairs is that the cheater assumes a different identity. They act like someone else when they are in a different environment.
Once again, it starts with a lie. That’s not who they are. They’re acting like someone they aren’t.
Lies that lead to sexual encounters are often covered by more lies. To those involved, what’s a few more lies. A lie starts it, a lie continues it, and lies cover it up afterwards.
Each of those lies damages the trust more. They aren’t harmless.
If your marriage is one of those damaged by lies, it needs help. Even after recovering from the affair, more work is needed concerning the rebuilding of trust.
You need to be able to trust your spouse again. What began as a lie brought hurt, damage and destruction. Although you can’t change what happened, steps can be taken that build up trust once again.
If you want trust, but aren’t sure where to start or what’s involved, I recommend you purchase the video “How can I trust you again?” It provides you with the formula for building trust and what’s needed with each part of that formula.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
