A reader asked about ‘Finding a spouse’s social network‘. Discovering your spouse’s social network depends on their level of computer sophistication. The more sophisticated the user, the more challenge you will have in finding their social network.
First, you’ll need to discover their online identity. Some spouses will use their own name and identity, while others will use an alias or avatar.
Although the avatar is theoretically a made-up identity, they often have elements of the real person. If your spouse is a gamer, you may want to find out the name of their character or ‘handle’ that they go by.
Another place to check is email accounts. Once you have the name, identity or avatar they go by, you can begin chasing down their social network.
It is also possible to see who their friends or parents are connected to in their social networks. They are likely connected to either your spouse or your spouse’s avatar.
Look through these accounts for photos with tags which can let you know what identity your spouse is using or who their old friends are. Since people often want to hold onto their social contacts, you will likely find some access point or gateway to your spouse’s social network this way.
The whole idea of social networks has its origins in “Networking” Therapy approaches that identified a person’s ‘social web’ or social atom. Although these theories were formed in the 70’s and 80’s, they are not obsolete.
The social web idea was incorporated by computer programmers into the modern idea of the social network or social media. The social network or social atom shows who they maintain connections with.
You may want to start with the social media sites, like facebook, or myspace. There may also be clues on their LinkedIn or Twitter associations.
If your spouse is a gamer, you may find clues in the group they game with. If you have access to their phone, you can view their contact list or who they have in their snapchat network.
Keep in mind, that adultery sites like Ashley Madison also have a social networking feature that often hides its content from prying eyes.
Bear in mind that just finding your spouse’s social network does not mean you know what is happening.
All you know from the social network is ‘who’ they are connected to. It does not show you the type of connection, frequency of contact or intimacy of contact. You will have to do some other leg work to discover those items.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
This is a distressing addition to the mix that once infidelity was something people had to really pursue in the ‘real world’ and it was a bit more energy consuming in that respect.
I am not interested in pursuing what my husband is up to and though I am interested to learn what he is doing I have found that unless HE is interested in living a truly upright life , he will FIND a way to live deceitfully very well.
A person who marries and then has no interest in transparency is not really invested in what marriage is purposed by God to do and be.
They are missing out just for that reason ..They have some kind of idea that marriage is FOR THEM and whatever ‘use’ they may have in mind.
One of the things I have been thinking lately is the way the definition of ‘repentance’ relates to the ‘renewed mind ‘ as found in scripture.
The mind [heart] is going to encourage choices that lead to behaviors.
The Lord made man to function by way of a free will choice to do what he can learn of God’s Word and will …OR to choose to follow after whatever thought he may have which arises from all kinds of input ..and from his own emotions and feelings apart from the way the Truth of the Word of GOD would provide wisdom and counsel for his own good and the benefit of anyone who his life effects.
The definition of ‘repentance’ is ‘to change your mind’….How well that fits with the command to believers to ‘renew your mind’ or as scripture puts is …”put on the mind of Christ’ or ‘To take every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ’
The mind which is thinking about what GOD has said is good ,right and true and believes that it is , as HE said, the Truth and the Way and the Life” will be active in ‘counting the cost’ of what he is thinking of doing …and what the outcome or consequences will be …not only to those who he is trying to hide his behaviors from , but ultimately what it will do to HIMSELF .
Since people who spend a great deal of time seeking how to get away with cheating are investing in something they THINK is ‘good’ and ‘doable ” for their own ‘happiness and comfort or pleasure’ one would think that they would consider this wisdom as useful .
The sad thing is that many who “jump ‘ into these kinds of sins rarely did so without some amount of thought and planning but not the kind that deters them …but only how to get away with doing it with the least amount of pain to themselves.
Actually keeping their infidelity a secret from their spouse is actually not for the sake of the spouse’s feelings …as they might have reasoned to themselves…but it is for their OWN protection from having to deal with the discomfort of dealing with those things they are thinking justify their choices in their marriage OR they are only interested in their own pleasure and don’t want the hassle of having to deal with the loss of that joyride.
They do indeed want their cake and to eat it too.
Looking for ways to discover what an adulterer does not want discovered is probably not as hard as expecting the discovery to cause them to change or care.
With that in mind one might go ahead and seek this kind of info …but to be prepared for the way it may not turn that person around.
The Bible speaks of two kinds of ‘repentance.’
One is ‘godly’ which tends to life.
One is ‘worldly’ and results in death.
The way Jesus spoke of this was to say
John 6:63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing:THE WORDS that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Thinking of this as one great big KEY to what ‘repentance’ is …the changing of the content of the mind …but to the end it affects the attitude.
When the Word which Jesus said is “SPIRIT’ and is “LIFE” is taken into the mind …but with the attitude that it is TRUTH and worthy to be trusted and useful to guide our thoughts and thus our choices…THAT results in repentance that is unto LIFE.
10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
Without the receiving of the Word of God …the Spirit of Jesus Christ there is no LIFE in one.
The change of the mind is dependent upon the content of what is taken in and believed in one’s mind…not just information but a ‘submitting’ to the information in the form of FAITH …that is the ‘change of the mind’ aka repentance that brings forth the changes in how a person thinks, views all issues of life [ the Bible says ‘out of the heart come the ISSUES of LIFE’]
Some people like to dismiss any need for study and submission to what God tells us in His Word with the phrase ‘God knows my heart’ …That sounds good but if they realized what GOD says about the heart of fallen man and the carnal mind they might want to reconsider that as their ‘justification ‘ for some of what they allow in their choices.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately wicked: who can know it?
10 I the Lord search the heart,
I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways,
and according to the fruit of his doings.
11 As the partridge sitteth on eggs, and hatcheth them not;
so he that getteth riches, and not by right,
shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.
That pretty much says it all ….Getting one’s way by one’s own feelings [lusts] without regard to what GOD counsels one, may ‘work’ for a while, but in the end ..all man’s ways “peter out”…and ‘at his end shall be a fool’!
God has given us His only begotten Son and His written Word so that we might learn the difference between HIS ways and the ways of the deceitfulness of the fallen state of our minds .
We are better served and serve others better in all areas of life when we are willing to receive what GOD says and let HIM be the judge of all things…and when we learn from what HE says about things …believing HE should KNOW how all of life was intended to be lived …then we will have better and better thinking skills about how to live without hurting others or ourselves.
Shouldn’t THAT be one of the purposes of marriage? To truly NOT harm one’s spouse …and children ..and even anyone who might be willing and clueless enough to want to cheat with a married person?
People who realize the value and privilege of being alive…and then being in a marriage should WANT to learn how to live transparently and without abusing others through lying, cheating and stealing ..even if they think they can “get away with it” …They never really do.
Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
OR as scripture puts it …
Rom 13:10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
Adultery is NOT LOVE! Not by a long shot!
Zaza,
Thank you for your comments. sadly, many cheaters only confess without the turning away, much less coming to the point where they ‘hate’ the affair. Scripture can help many to get their heads on straight, yet they avoid it related to ‘condemnation’ that they are afraid of. Many times those motivations of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure keep them from doing what needs to be done to correct their relationships.