Infidelity: Spying on Your Spouse

Infidelity: Considering the spying option

When signs of infidelity begin showing up, you begin considering what to do. One option that some spouses consider is spying or hiring a private investigator. Before you turn into a modern day James Bond, there are many things you will need to consider.

One area of concern is that of privacy. Your spouse has legal rights to privacy. Since they have legal rights, you may need to make yourself aware of what you can and can not do when spying on your spouse. There may also be confidentiality concerns with their place of employment.

If you choose the option of spying either with technology or a private investigator, there will likely be major damage to the trust in your relationship. As you know, once the trust is broken, it is very difficult to repair. Besides trust issues, if and when your spying turns up information, it can lead to strong reactions from your spouse. Spouses often have strong reactions to being spied on.

A major incident occurred here in Texas when a wife ran over her cheating husband. The wife had hired a private investigator. The investigator provided evidence that her husband was indeed seeing someone else. Upon finding out he was cheating, and she went to the hotel where he and his lover met. She saw her husband in the parking lot and proceeded to hit him and run him over. She ended up hitting him three times. Strong reactions are common when discoveries of cheating are made and when spying is discovered.

Another concern is “What are you going to do with the information once it is obtained?” Sharing some of or all of what you find with family members may initially gain you support, yet in the long run lead to distrust in view of how you obtained the information and your reasons for doing so.Family members can be fickle. They may want to hear the dirt, then turn on you for your sneaky way of obtaining it.

A further concern is “Will it help or hurt the marriage?” Will obtaining the information make your marriage stronger or weaker? Besides that question, you will need to consider how it will look in court and to your children. Spying on their mother or father may make you look bad, especially if you are a step-father or step-mother.Spying often adds tension to loyalty issues.

The decisions made regarding spying can have long term consequences. “What will the spying accomplish?” ” Is there any other way to obtain such information?” Obtaining the information yourself will remove the taint of hiring a spy or investigator.

Reasons for Spying on Your Spouse

Signs and suspicions of infidelity. Look for hard signs such as tangible evidence or soft signs such as rumors. Know the difference between the two

Curiosity. You may want to know what your spouse is spending their time doing at work, on the way home or on the computer. This situation is aggravated when your spouse is secretive about passwords and access to computer files.

Jealousy. You may be jealous about anything they consider “out of the ordinary” or things that “do not fit the pattern”.

History of lying. When your spouse has a history of lying. If there have been many times you do not believe your spouse’s reported activities and want to find out for yourself.

History of drug or alcohol abuse. Much like those spouses with a history of lying, a history of poor impulse control is often another reason you may consider spying.

Womanizing/Flirting. When spouses have a long history of womanizing or flirting spouses can at times become suspicious, especially if they tend to be highly seductive in their behaviors.

History of affairs. If your spouse has a history of affairs, you are more likely to suspect that they are “at it again”. This is also true for a ‘family history of affairs’. Affairs are more likely to occur in families with a history of affairs than those without such a history. You know that they are not their father or grandfather, yet they may have picked up some of those patterns and attitudes.

Spying on the Computer

Monitoring what your spouse does on the computer varies with the sophistication of the user. If your spouse is not very computer literate, you can find where they have been by checking the history. A secondary source of information is located in the cache of the computer which shows copies of the pages visited. Another source of information is checking the cookies. These cookies often reveal where the person has visited as well.

If your spouse is more sophisticated, you may need a keystroke logger or spyware that tracks what sites they visit. Such programs generate a report. There are even programs that capture chat room activity.

One of the signs of unusual behavior is when they have suggestive screen names or alias’ they use in setting up accounts on social network sites. There are also some social network sites for cheaters that provide dummy addresses to distract wary spouses. If you suspect that such activity is going on, look for patterns that indicate unwanted activities.

Your spouse may be even more tech savvy and use their smart phone to hide their internet activity. These require a higher level of sophistication to monitor. As more applications become available, there will likely be some that have logger or spyware capabilities as well. Some phones have the ability to connect with the home computer where you can download and upload possible tracking and tracing programs to monitor where they have been and what sites they visit frequently.

Private Investigators

If you are considering hiring a private investigator, hire someone from a reputable firm. Legitimate private detectives have licenses that can be verified. Make sure that you ask to see their license BEFORE signing anything.

Like many professionals, make sure you have a contract or a written estimate before approving their services.Read the contract. Make sure that both of you understand what is being agreed to.
Ask for references. You may even want to ask lawyers, especially divorce lawyers who they have had good results from. Keep in mind that divorce lawyers often have hidden agendas though.
Make sure that you have a way to access your investigator and that they can access you. When something is found you will want to know.

Spying with the telephone

With the advances made in telephones, the smart phone has become a part of many people’s lives. Finding information on the cell phone is the #1 way cheaters are now getting caught. The suspicious spouse checks the caller logs and emails which often contain evidence of infidelity. With smart phones there are applications which can be downloaded that allow a spouse to track their straying partners using the phone’s GPS locator.

In previous generations, the resolute spouse relied on private investigators to see, photograph and track the erring spouse. Receipts and charge card statements were often the only way to know where the straying spouse was. With the use of cell phones, the straying spouse can be tracked in real time as to their location.

There are also applications which help the cheater erase phone logs. spot tracking programs and thwart those applications. The smart phones are the latest battleground in the conflict of catching cheaters.

Non-Computer Spying

Besides the computer, there are tests that can be performed on the underwear to detect evidence. There are also ways to hack cell phones to see if they have been used in affair activities. Besides cell phones, records such as phone bills, charges, and toll road fees have been useful for spouses looking for evidence concerning their partners.

Monitoring billing records is often a way that spouses have been caught cheating. The three main tracking items are time, money and location. Keeping track of one or all of these is key to knowing what they are doing and whether or not cheating is underway.

There are also GPS devices that can be attached to automobiles. These devices can track where your spouse travels to. There are also programs for cell phones that allow you to find your spouse’s location. With a basic knowledge of technology and the latest devices, the options are endless. Many cities have spy stores which carry the tools and gadgets needed for surveillance activity.