In the news this morning, I found the story of Pastor John Gray and his infidelity everywhere. He is an pastor of a mega church in South Carolina and the former pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston. Gray is also the author of several books and has his own reality show on Oprah’.
His presentations are often humorous and engaging. He knows how to work a large crowd. Even though he is in a position of honor, he isn’t immune from infidelity.
The way he put it, “I started listening to the wrong voices and let some people get too close.”
This shows that even those who know better can stumble. It also shows the danger of Opening up with the wrong people. That opening up opens the door to intimacy developing.
Although his wife attributes what happened to the devil’, I wonder if he just allowed himself to be put in a vulnerable position coupled with the marital problems he was experiencing.
When you are in the midst of marital problems, you are in a high risk time. His had some additional high risk factors. This included his having money, being a public figure, being a pastor and yes, even his sense of humor.
Each of these increased the possibility of an affair. His taking stands on social issues also made him a target for those who want to take down public figure who dare speak out on social issues.
He allowed himself to be in a vulnerable situation during a time when his marriage was in trouble. This is quite common with pastors. They want to help others, yet in doing so, expose themselves to temptations and situations that put them in danger.
He was in the news prior to this incident for buying his wife a Lamborghini SUV as an anniversary gift. I don’t see a problem with giving one’s wife an expensive anniversary gift.
What it does make me wonder is if he has a sensual focus and attempted fixing his marital problems with sensory stimulation (e.g. his sensory focus got him into trouble and he is using it to get himself out of trouble the same way). He gave her a nice gift rather than opening his heart to her and getting close to her, which would have been a better solution.
Given his propensity for opening up with people, he made himself emotionally vulnerable to someone he should not have.
Some of the lessons are:
-Avoid making yourself emotionally vulnerable with the wrong people
-Address marital issues as quickly as possible. The longer they fester, the greater the risk for affairs.
-Take care of yourself in terms of getting enough sleep, exercise and diet.
-Avoid using humor as a way of hiding your anger
-Don’t think you are above having an affair
-Avoid High Risk situations when you are emotionally vulnerable (This includes HALT-hungry, angry, out late and being Tired. Another risk is unstructured time when you also have abundant funds).
-Don’t stuff your feelings
-Avoid having a sensual focus
-Avoid using sensual solutions to marital problems (e.g. buying yourself out of marital problems)
Pastor Gray’s story hits home with me on several levels. One of those is due to my late father being a Pastor. His book, “Stress in the Ministry” addressed many of these issues along with ways of dealing with them. Most pastors don’t take good emotional care of themselves, which sets them up for situations like Pastor Gray.
I wish him and his wife well in recovering from this situation. It’s hard enough for you going through affair recovery. When a public figure is faced with these challenges, it puts everything they do up for public scrutiny, embarrassment and shame. As Scripture says “”For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required”
(Luke 12:48).
I welcome your thoughts on this matter as well. If you’ve found this article helpful, this is the kind of material you’ll find at the Restored Lifestyle site in the Java with Jeff section.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
