Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Am I weird?” The likelihood is that you have. You may wonder if you’re normal. You may have gone so far as to ask “How weird am I?”
This is especially a matter of concern after discovering the affair and making those initial efforts at talking about it with your spouse. The more you look into it, the more your spouse claims you’re being weird.
I talked about this question with my wife this morning. I shared with her my thought that many people obsess over infidelity statistics and the latest survey in search of an answer to the question “Am I weird?”
You may be one of those searching for an answer to the question. In the aftermath of the affair, your spouse may have even said that you’re ‘weird’ and you believed what they told you. You may have adopted this as a part of your thinking.
Let me tell you something right now: You Are Not Weird!
Do not believe the lies of your unfaithful spouse after the affair. They will twist the reality and world around them to place themselves in a position that casts them as an injured party. They’ll do everything they can in deflecting from what is actually going on.
Getting you to believe that something is wrong with you is just another one of thier ploys.
It leaves you feeling uneasy and unsure of your value. That unsettled feeling inspired you to search through the surveys and statistics on infidelity. You want to know if you are ‘normal’ in some way.
When affairs happen, you’re being rejected and devalued. Those are unpleasant feelings that no one wants to experience.
In an attempt to push away those sensations, and the questions your spouse raises, you start comparing yourself to others. When they tell you that you’re weird, it sends you on a search to find out ‘How?’ This search may even include looking at the statistics or worse yet, comparing yourself to the lover.
You look at the numbers and survey results as if looking in a mirror. You consider them in terms of ‘What does that say about me?’
One thing is says about you is that you’re looking in the wrong place. You may find answers, but those answers aren’t going to satisfy your questions or your curiosity. When you’re hurting emotionally, you need answers that address your emotions.
Seeking intellectual answers to emotional hurts never works. Heart problems call for heart solutions and head problems call for head solutions. Confusing the two makes your recovery from an affair harder and more frustrating than it needs to be. Then again, you may be choosing the wrong solutions on purpose, since you may be punishing yourself for being ‘weird’.
I suspect that one reason recovery is often delayed or drug out longer than it needs to goes back to punishment and penance. Even those are self-defeating answers to your situation.
You never seem to clearly know when you’ve punished yourself enough or when you’ve done enough penance. There is always something else to beat yourself up about.
If you’re tired of applying head solutions to heart problems and weary of comparing yourself to others, the Getting You Past the Affair Crisis video starts applying emotional solutions to your emotional hurts and moving you forward through affair recovery.
Download the video and start making progress on moving past the self-doubt that comes with being told you’re weird.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
