Have you pondered what it is about affairs that interferes with memory? There’s something about memory and affairs that’s baffling. It seems like our memories would be more accurate when we’re in the midst of lying, deceiving and sneaking around.
When you question your spouse and receive the response “I can’t remember” it feels like you hit a wall. That wall keeps you in the dark and frustrates recovery.
On hitting that wall, how do you react? Do you just get angrier or take some other approach?
You consider whether they’re playing games with you or if they actually can’t recall what happened. Some cheaters hide behind the excuse while others really have trouble recalling specifics associated with the affair.
Brain researchers are finding that your ability to recall events is connected with the emotional state at the time of the event. Although they can recall some details, others are connected to emotional states.
Another factor is whether or not your spouse was paying attention to those details at the time. When they aren’t paying attention to the details, they aren’t being stored in memory very effectively.
This is why you recall other sad events and details concerning them when you’re sad. When you’re feeling happy, those details are not forthcoming.
The emotional state your spouse is in when you’re confronting them is very different than the state they were in when in the midst of the affair. This is why some spouses are unable to provide all the details to you.
They’re in a different emotional state when you confront them. They feel guilt, shame, and fear of getting caught at the time of an affair. You can’t expect them to be in that same state while recalling specific acts, places they went with their lover etc…
So there really is something worth considering by taking into account the details they only know because something interferes with memory and recall. There are ways of overcoming the interference that don’t involve threats, name-calling, or yelling.
In my downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you ways of bypassing defenses and brain interference. You can move past these roadblocks without high drama.
Anytime you use force in making things happen, it creates greater tension and problems. There are better ways of getting through these challenges.
Click and download your copy today. The sooner you start doing things differently, the sooner the both of you will move through recovery from the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
