Questions often arise concerning what the signs are of someone having an affair. In asking this question, those asking often want their answer laid out like a cookie recipe. Since you are dealing with people rather than cookie ingredients, the answer often has many variables depending on the person involved and their situation. Despite the variables, one of the signals that is consistent is ‘distancing’.
Humans often distance themselves from others during an affair. The distancing may be direct or indirect. When it is direct, it is easily observable. They put physical or emotional distance between you and them. They spend greater amounts of time away from home. They spend more time talking to others than to you. Such signs are obvious. When such physical distancing occurs, it will only continue growing worse unless it is addressed. Affairs, like divorces do not happen overnight (unless drugs or sexual addictions are involved). The spouses grow apart from each other. Initially the distance is informal and excused. When allowed to continue, the distance will grow wider and wider until it is formalized with someone moving out or taking legal action to make the distance a legal reality.
Indirect distancing is not so easily to detect. In such cases, the infidel often decreases the distance. They do things just the opposite of what one would expect. They are suddenly more amorous, more willing to let you do what you want, less demanding and spend more time with you. What makes it different is that the change is often sudden and without a known trigger. Humans can make changes in their behavior, yet short of religious conversion or drugs, there are often ulterior motives for such changes. The unknown and often unseen trigger is such cases is more dangerous than the direct distancing.
What I often tell couples is to ‘listen to their gut’. Whether one calls it intuition, sixth sense, instinct or listening to their gut when you sense something is not right, do not ignore it. Humans often sense something is wrong long before they know exactly what it is. Learning to trust your ‘gut’ in such cases rather than to ignore it can often allow you to take the steps of turning the relationship around while there is still hope.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
