Growing up in the 1970’s, I was not familiar with the term ‘meme’. At that time a ‘signature’ or ‘tagline’ was the way you signed your name at the end of a letter. Although memes and tagline signatures existed at the time, those saying were given those kinds of labels. The saying used by the church I attended was ‘It does make a difference what you believe’. These days, such a saying would be called a meme or signature.
Although I have forgotten many of the sermons and lessons I sat through, I still recall the saying used. There were times that recalling it helped me in sorting through some sticky situations. In learning about counseling, the question is often posed, “What kind of counselor are you?” The expected response is that you tell them what your theoretical persuasion is. Essentially, you tell them ‘what you believe’.
The same kind of thinking is prominent in the legal profession, where people are asked “What’s your theory about the case?”. The lawyers answer tells you what they believe.
There are other professions that have their own variation of asking what you believe. The assumption is that what you believe shapes your actions. This assumption also applies to marriages.
You assume that because you or your spouse have certain beliefs about trust and adultery, that it gives you some idea of what they’re going to do. You also believe that tells you what they won’t do. You assume that if they believe that trust is important and that adultery is not acceptable that your marriage is safe.
My assumptive world came crashing down like a bathtub through a rotted floor when I saw the results of the Affair Recovery Survey. When the first results came in, I thought, “This can’t be”. As more results came in from over 300 couples, I realized ‘it can be’.
The shocking discovery was… it makes no difference whether someone believes that cheating is wrong. They may believe its’ wrong, yet still cheat. When it comes to affairs, “It doesn’t make a difference what you believe”.
Your spouse may believe it’s wrong to cheat, or wrong to violate your trust, yet that’s not going to stop them from cheating. If your trust is in what your spouse believes, your world may come crashing down as well. Even good people with moral belief systems cheat. This also means that if your spouse sees nothing wrong with cheating, the risk is even higher.
If your trust is based on what your spouse tells you and what they believe, you need something stronger. You need “The Trust Formula”. Your trust needs a stronger foundation that just what your spouse believes. Find out what else your marriage needs.
Best Regards,
Jeff
