In a recent discussion about relationships with another therapist, the topic of the internet came up. The question was posed, “What is it about the internet that has made infidelity increase?” Although the topic of the dangers of the how technology has made affairs easier to initiate have been discussed before, dealing with the issue from this angle was new.
Since people need people, the internet has opened the door to many dangers. When the marriage relationship is lacking in intimacy, it is not uncommon for spouses to seek the needed human connection via the internet. What starts off as a legitimate need (the need for human contact and connection) suddenly becomes the driving force that propels people into social relationships if not affairs on the internet. They needed human connection which was not being satisfied in their marriage.
Although there are some individuals on the internet who seek out potential victims to exploit, there are also spouses who are craving attention and companionship. The problem is not what they need, but rather how they are attempting to satisfy that need. Spouses who fly off of the handle and want to immediately hurt if not kill the lover may need to consider that they were not providing the love, attention and connection that their spouse was seeking. The real solution in those situations would be for the spouse to find ways of connecting with their partner in a satisfying manner. Although there are many ads on the internet about how improved sexual performance will ‘satisfy her/him’, the improved sexual performance is only a half-way solution to the companionship and connection that relationships need.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
