Modern society has ways of taking the harshness out of real life and hiding the seriousness of some behaviors.The words now used soften the blow of reality. They also hide what’s really going on.
The most frequent tool of modern deceivers consists of playing word games with what you call things.
This runs counter to one of the tenants of recovery and sobriety which insists on “dealing with life on life’s terms.” You live life with the terms it gives you rather than changing what you call them.
Living life on life’s terms includes being honest with what you call things and what you tell yourself.
This practice of relabeling merely changes what you call things. It doesn’t change the impact or the moral implications. Whether you call this trend post-modernism, political correctness or reimagining, it still amounts to word games.
I understand how ‘modern’ thinkers want to take the blame, shame and harshness out of language, but the consequences of this act is that it leaves you unsure of what you are dealing with. You are left without clarity in what you’re talking about.
One of these fuzzy areas I want to share with you today is ‘uncoupling’. Uncoupling is the modern term for divorce. When I hear uncoupling, I think of trains and cars in the rail yard, since the word comes from the technical act of decoupling.
The whole idea of using ‘decoupling’ brings a sterility to language. In theory, it removes blame and guilt. I find that it complicates your ability to discuss things in an honest straight forward fashion.
You don’t say “Let’s go to the judge and get decoupled!” I haven’t heard one spouse threaten the other with “I want a decoupling!”
Typically decoupling is used by the those holding to ideas like “We are still a family even though we’ve been de-coupled.” Although it sounds better than words like broken family or divorce, it hides what’s really going on.
With affairs, the terms are either consensual or non-consensual non-monogamy. Such terms confuse what’s going on and obfuscate communication. They make sitting down and talking with your spouse an exercise in wordiness.
Accusing your spouse of non-consensual non-monogamy doesn’t have the same ring as “Are you cheating on me?”
Using terms like decoupling and non-consensual non-monogamy are clunky in terms of getting your point across. They confuse your message rather than make it clear.
Unclear communication leads to unclear thinking. Unclear thinking leads to unclear actions.
Having clear communication is one of the requirements needed in re-establishing trust. Without being clear, your communication turns into meaningless mumbling.
In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“ you can see how clear communication goes a long way in re-establishing trust that’s been damaged.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
