The other day I mentioned a quote I came across in my father’s book. He often made startling comments to wake you up and get you thinking.
He and I had some thought provoking conversations. He made many fascinating observations and rarely shied away from controversy or confrontations.
He had exchanges with a wide variety of people ranging from Nicaraguan politicians, lawyers, pastors, other rocket scientists to Deepak Chopra. Some of those exchanges grew heated at times.
He actually enjoyed how Deepak Chopra refused responding to him.
One of the observations he made was that “one of the primary contributors to divorce among Christian couples today is the fact that most pastors are not being faithful to their churches.” Think about that for a moment.
When a pastor is constantly seeking a better church, more money or more prestige by going from church to church, it impacts their flock. It sends a message that it “Ok” to improve your position by switching loyalties.
When the pastor is unfaithful to the church, they end up weakening the marriages of those under their teaching. In the old “like father, like son” pattern, their unfaithfulness is teaching others to be unfaithful by example.
When you start wondering who planted the seeds of unfaithfulness in your spouse, it may be from an unexpected place. The cheater still made their own choices, yet the environment conducive to ‘affair thinking’ made it more likely to happen.
During recovery from the affair, you may have addressed what they did and why they did it. Although you hit these important areas, it’s important that you address the thinking that influenced their choice to cheat.
A good relapse prevention plan addresses the cheater making changes in their behavior, their emotions and their thinking. It may also mean that changes are needed at your church as well.
I use the expression that the affair isn’t over when the relationship ends. When the cheater quits seeing the lover you are only part way to recovery from what happened. It’s not the time to stop addressing the issues. If anything, the biggest part of affair recovery happens after the relationship with the lover ends.
In the video “Preventing Affair Relapse” I address the important issues needing your attention. I encourage you to take action by ordering it and start working on your marriage today. There are plenty of dangers from the pulpit and elsewhere promoting affairs and affair thinking.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
