You may be one of those who see no problem with people having equality. You see no problem with homosexual couples being considered equal with other couples. Although equality sounds good, it can destroy your marriage. Equality may play well for political audiences, but it is disastrous for marriage.
When the poisonous thinking of equality enters your family, it poses some major challenges. When the cheater wants ‘equal time’ to seek what makes them happy rather than be committed to your marriage to them, you are dealing with a danger sign. When the lover is wanting their share of your spouse, under “equality”, they have as much right to your spouse as you do. Whether the lover is a man or a woman, they have an equal claim to your spouse as you do. If they marry your spouse, they will also have equal access and claim to your children. You probably never thought through the equality question in those terms before. The equality bandwagon sounds all-inclusive, yet the consequences of that thinking has consequences.
‘Equality’ thinking is dangerous for the stability of marriages. It is dangerous to your marriage. In order to make your marriage work, your relationship with your spouse should be a priority. When your relationship is treated as ‘equal’ to all the other commitments your spouse is involved in, there will be problems. Marriage relationships do not work with ‘equality’ among the priorities.
The idea of equality sounds good, but it is not workable in a marriage. You need to have priorities. Priorities mean that there are inequalities. Such priorities often help you to know what you need to do first and which action items are most important to accomplish. Some relationships and commitments have priority over other ones. It could be that your marriage has too many commitments, and that the two of you need to reduce some of those commitments.
Let me put it as straight-forward as I can. If your spouse is not a priority, your marriage will fail. If you treat your spouse as an equal to your other priorities, you will loose. The relationship between you and your spouse is unequal. It has a priority. It takes precedence over the demands for attention from others. It is when the cheater starts putting their lovers, former lovers, and hobbies on an equal level with you that you know that your marriage is in trouble.
Think through this:
Equality = no special status = no preferences = no special claims = no unique status of your marriage to any other relationship.
So before embrace the trendy fads of ‘equality’, consider how it will effect your marriage. What will happen when you have to be the one sharing and on an equal basis with others?
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
