Have you ever been encouraged by others to “follow your heart?” That little piece of advice and platitude has led to more infidelity than you might imagine. If anything, it leads to Infidelity Hell.
The sentiment of “following your heart” or “I just want you to be happy” have been used by many cheaters in justifying their actions. By following their hearts and emotional arousal, they jump into affairs.
Rather than encouraging others to follow their emotions, you need to encourage them to “do the right thing.”
In previous generations, you often heard the question “Are you doing right by him/her?” Previous generations understood the importance of commitment to your spouse, and morals.
Affairs did happen in those generations, yet those who were involved knew that what they were doing wrong. When you “do what is right,” you don’t have to worry about the fallout.
Following your heart not only led to many affairs, but what I call “infidelity hell.” This term refers to the many conflicts, arguments, and family dissension that results from someone “following their heart” rather than doing what is right.
When you follow your heart, there will be a ripple effect. You will kick up a wake of turbulence that impacts those around you. Following your heart churns up the lives of those around you.
You may be happy, but it makes life messy for those around you. As much as you want to think that the only person to be concerned about is you, the reality is that your actions impact others. When you take off seeking grins and giggles—and infidelity in one of its attractive packages—it has a price tag that someone will have to pay. “Somebody’s got to pay for it!”
Your happiness may be bringing “infidelity hell” into the lives of others. The problem is that when you are doing what makes you happy, you have your “happy blinders” on. At that moment you don’t see what’s going on around you.
Those happy blinders that you put on to keep out any unpleasantness also keep you from seeing the struggle of your family and those around you.
Following your heart brings passion into your life, but the kind of passion it brings is pain inducing. Passion, by definition, is when you engage in what you like to the point where it hurts. When affairs are involved, it doesn’t take much effort to bring hurt.
If you are a person who likes their passion, you need to consider, “How much pain can you handle?” If your a person who likes infidelity, you also need to consider how much pain you can handle.
It’s not just about how much pain personally touches you, but also about how much pain your actions inflict on others. Following your heart is going to bring pain to someone, whether yourself or those around you.
In my mind, if society was honest, instead of saying “Follow your heart,” they should say “Bring on the pain” or “Follow your hurt.” In following your heart, you are seeking something that you can never achieve. If you get happy, it is temporary and fleeting. If instead you followed your pain, you can attain that. Pain also has a way of staying around longer than happiness.
For these reasons, I do not like the practice of encouraging others to “Follow your heart.” Nor do I like “Whatever.” These are often the sentiments cheaters use when they reach the “point of no return” and commit to what has been festering in their fantasies. These statements are also used when marriages start falling apart and families break.
I want your marriage to be great. Encouraging your spouse to “follow their heart” does not make your marriage great, unless their heart is 100% totally with you. If anything, “following their heart” weakens your marriage and betrays both of you.
That’s why I created “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program. The program helps you marriage be the best it can be. It takes you on a daily journey that helps you connect better with your spouse, and improve the marriage you’ve got.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
How true…how often we say follow your heart! I like “follow your pain”..I wish my husband would have read an article like this before he decided to cheat! His affair caused so much pain..,my hurt & his family! My side of the family wants nothing to do with him! It has been hell! Though, our marriage is turning around & things are getting better…the pain of the lies & betrayal hurt you to the core of your existence! I agree -follow your pain! Thanks for the article!
Sabrina,
Thank you for sharing about your situation. Many times cheaters are oblivious to the pain and chaos they bring into their marriage and families. They are so caught up in having ‘fun’ and ‘following their heart, they are blind to how it impacts others.
I often cringe when I encounter the “follow your heart” memes when I encounter them, knowing that many cheaters often use it to justify bad behaviors. Although those promoting ‘follow your heart’ are not meaning to be malicious, when taken out of context, that sentiment becomes very dangerous and destructive. The other one I hate is “When you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with”.
I am glad that you liked the article and am encouraged that things are turning around. Getting past the scar will take some healing time and many long talks with your spouse.
And remember … With every decision there is a price. Be sure you are willing to pay that price BEFORE you make the decision!
I wish we all thought about the price we would have to pay when making bad choices or those “it’s all about me moments.” I would like to look at my husband and see past what he did, but some days are more difficult than others! Trust-now that’s a big one! I hope to move past all of this one day & not look back! I find it sad to think that had my husband told me what he was feeling, maybe this infidelity hell could have been avoided!