When a family member developed a life threatening health issue it sent a shock wave through our family. At first we didn’t want to believe it was happening.
We didn’t want to believe the reports from the doctors or the scans showing the extent of the problem.
The family member was surprisingly calm. Instead of beating herself up with “Why me!“, she took a different course and had a different attitude. She instead took the approach of “What do I need to do about it?”
She knew that at that point, focusing on the why didn’t do anything for her. Instead, she knew that getting past the health crisis was more important than the cause.
Her calm handling of the situation has been an inspiration. She faced the fear of her condition and moved forward. I wish I could package what she exhibited.
This is why it pains me when I encounter someone who recently discovered their spouses affair and cries out, “Why is this happening to me! Why me!”
They scramble for answers to the ‘why’.
The way they expressed their hurt it makes it an anguished cry for help. They don’t understand what happened and are looking for answers.
The part that pains me is that although they want an answer, they aren’t ready to hear it yet. Sure, I could provide and answer to their question, but just hearing an explanation or an answer to the ‘why’ won’t heal you or your marriage.
Let me repeat that. Explanations don’t heal your marriage.
You need a way of moving forward. You need ways of making things better. Although you and your marriage need help, at those times, your mind is looking into the past for answers.
Instead of digging for ghosts from the past and harvesting water under the bridge, consider what you need to do about your situation. Think about what your next step is.
Looking at the past is a way of trying to keep yourself safe as you consider what happened. It doesn’t require you making any changes or the cheater making changes. In fact, there’s little you can do in changing the past.
What you can change is where your marriage is headed. You can do something about the future, yet doing so requires changes be made. Doing nothing will only give you more of the same that you’re currently experiencing.
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you ways of making changes that bring healing. Now is the time for making changes rather than blaming.
Making changes does more for healing marriage than blaming does. Even if you knew everything that led up to the affair, how will it change where things are headed?
What will change the direction of things is changing how you deal with each other along with what you focus on in your marriage.
Click and download your copy today. Start making changes that matter.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
