One of the lessons I stressed when raising my sons was that when something is truly funny, it includes everyone. Fun happens when everyone can enjoy it.
Its when one party is laughing at someone else’s expense that what is called ‘fun’ turns destructive. At those times, its exploitative.
Humor can be a hurtful thing when used in exploiting people or in hiding hurtful comments. I’ve seen some nasty old ladies say some really hurtful and suggestive comments, then say “I was only joking” as a way of making it okay.
When someone makes a pass at your spouse, it’s not funny. Even though the seducer waters down what happened by claiming they were ‘only joking’ it’s still not funny.
The seducer that uses humor often hides their advances behind attempts at humor. They laugh at sexual humor and do their best in luring others into it as well.
If they’re willing to exploit you in public, they’re willing to exploit you in private. Had your spouse taken the bait of their lewd humor, you’d soon discover that it was all part of the seduction.
What they call fun consist of seducing the spouses of others. Besides lewd jokes, they use double entendre comments, so that they can withdraw gracefully if things get too confrontational or they are rebuffed by their target.
Humor is a powerful aphrodisiac. The seducer using it knows ways of wearing down the target’s ability to say ‘no’ to them. When you are laughing, your walls of resistance are lowered.
When the humor gets out of hand, you’ve got to feel comfortable intervening. It may take a stern look or forceful comment.
If you aren’t serious, they won’t take you serious. Speaking up is something that improves with practice.
One place where you can share your struggles and challenges with others in a similar situation is at the membership site, Restored Lifestyle. There you can ‘compare notes’ and learn better ways of handling humor seducers and other threats to your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
