One of the findings I encountered in doing the Affair Recovery Survey was that many cheaters were very devoted to their children. What surprised me about this is that many betrayed spouses assume the cheater doesn’t care about their children.
The respondents in the survey showed me that cheaters do care about their children. They also put their personal pleasure ahead of their children, if only for a period of time. It could be that they want to have their family cake and eat it too.
Having an affair doesn’t disqualify someone as a parent. Although it doesn’t disqualify them, it certainly puts a weird twisting bind on their parent child relationship.
In the cheater’s mind, parenting and spouse roles are two separate things. They compartmentalize these areas, thinking one doesn’t impact the other.
The uncomfortable truth is that affairs rupture trust. Even though you don’t initially see the damage to trust, it’s there.
Children find themselves wrestling with questions like “Will the cheater quit loving them, like they did you? ” and “Can I believe what daddy tells me?”
They may be too ashamed to ask you those questions, yet they torment themselves with them.
Hiding and lying the affair from spouse and children also send a strong message about the how deception and lying are acceptable in your home. The cheater may view their deception as part of parental privilege of keeping some things secret.
Even your hiding the affair from your children impacts them. You may not be part of the affair problem, yet you may be contributing to the distrust in your home related to the affair or swinger cover-up.
Your child on the other hand sees through the lies. They see what happened as the double-standard it is. They may not have the vocabulary for expressing it in those terms, yet they know lies and deceit when they encounter it.
The cheater may return back, yet the damage from the affair leaves a scar in the form of estrangement from the children. These are areas of relationship damage needing your attention.
In the November Special Report going to members of the Restored Lifestyle site later today on November 15 entitled “Infidelity and Losing Your Children” I address these issues along with alienation and other ways of losing your children along with what you can do about it.
If you are looking for answers to questions about cheaters and your children, this report is for you.
You still have time to secure your copy of this important report by acting today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
