Although there are many searches for information on children and affairs, there are questions that are often not looked at that need attention. One of those is the motivation for asking such questions. When the question is asked prior to the affair, it could be indicative of someone considering an affair. When it is asked after an affair occurs, I always wonder about ulterior motives. Many egregious acts are committed “for the sake of the children”. By using such a noble cause, other actions are undertaken. I recognize this is not the case in every situation, but it happens often enough to be of concern. It is not uncommon that the topic comes up when divorce is under consideration, almost as if preparations are underway to obtain an upper hand in child custody situations. If children were a primary focus, that should have been considered before considering an affair. If the adulterer was thinking about their children, before their own pleasure, it is unlikely it would have occurred.
The affair situation was a decision between two adults. Since it was an adult decision, the adults will have to decide how to deal with the consequences and recovery without playing the “children” card. When the card is played, then the motive for such a maneuver needs to be considered. The children card should not be played to avoid facing the issues within the marriage.
Honesty is required in dealing with affairs and their aftermath. It requires honesty from the adulterer and from the resolute spouse. When dishonesty is employed, even for noble reasons, like “the children”, it will produce painful results. I encourage you to use honesty in dealing with each other if you hope to survive, work through and recover your relationship.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
