Have you seriously considered what did the cheating fix? What problems did it solve? Did the cheating improve anything?
If you are honest with yourself, the cheating did not fix much of anything, it added stress and made life more difficult. Sure there may have been moments that the cheater was excited about the newness of the situation, and have some enthusiasm, but even that does not last. They have to come back down to earth and face you and the family. Even when they have fantasies about the affair, they eventually have to face the hard realities that surround them.
It is also interesting how the talk of a ‘fix’ is similar to drug seeking talk. The same kind of pattern is seen when the cheater ‘scores’ and their ‘squeeze’. They often chase after the lover in the same way an addict seeks after their drug of choice. Getting their emotional fix becomes more important their their family, their reputation, their values or their promises. Words become nothing more than another tool in their arsenal to get their fix. They will say anything to anyone in order to obtain what they want. When the cheater talks like that, it is a sure give away that what they are after is more about the ‘high’ and the excitement than anything else. Even when they talk about how your marriage needs a ‘fix’, it puts a whole new light on matters.
The only cases I have seen where cheating solved problems is when it is the fruition of threats made while you and the cheater were arguing. You may have told them to ‘just go sleep with __________” or “Your just looking for some cheap ____”. The cheating may prove that they listened to you and ended up sleeping with or looking for the person you told them to. In such cases, it proves that the seeds were planted long before the affair happened.
The fix of an affair does not satisfy. They will want more, and be more dissatisfied. They may tell themselves that you no longer meet their needs, but this lover of theirs….they can do it all. They can FIX anything. The bottom line is that they are chasing a fantasy, they are seeking a brief emotional high, which in the long run, the affair will never satisfy.
Listen to the cheater talk. They may be telling you more than you assumed, if you had only listened. If you hear talk about being incomplete, needing a fix, looking for something, searching for a feeling, you will recognize they are ‘just looking for a fix’
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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