Twelve years ago I wrote a post entitled “The Dark Side of Swinging“. The popularity of that post has astounded me both in terms of the traffic to it and the comments it generated. At that time I wanted to alert people to the dangers involved with swinging.
Since then, it’s become clear that the dangers are worse than I imagined. The emails I receive from wives pressured into the swinger lifestyle are heartbreaking. What start off as a way of ‘keeping the peace’ or ‘spicing up their marriage’ always ends up a nightmare.
A recent email raised a question that haunts me. The question was “Why is sexual coercion into a swinging lifestyle by a spouse not considered a criminal act?”
Although the techniques and coercion often used in pressuring a reluctant spouse into swinging amounts to human sex trafficking, the courts and legislatures have remained silent on this matter. There are even sites that tell the exploitative spouse how to pressure their partner into swinging.
Even when I talked to a University professor, the area of swinging is considered “off limits” to the standard used in studying other forms of infidelity. In other words, the researchers are even looking the other way.
It’s as if they are considered a special group that the normal rules of sexual decency and relationship responsibilities don’t apply to. The door of honest inquiry is shut, locked and considered forbidden to outsiders.
Those caught up in swinging against their best judgment experience desperation. They suffer in silence, resorting to alcohol and drugs to numb their pain. The get totally bombed in order to block out the guilt from doing what they don’t want to do.
The wives writing to me talk about how they are silenced and only allowed limited contact with other wives caught up in the same mess. They feel used and devalued.
They feel beaten down and often resign themselves to their plight, to the point they give up. Although they were coerced into swinging, they feel guilty for having gone along with it. The guilt and shame removes any sense of dignity and self-confidence.
It doesn’t help that many of those involved with swinging are wealthy and use that influence in manipulating and controlling their situation. Wealth and fears of losing it can be a powerful force in keeping coerced spouses caged in a world of being used and traded like a commodity.
The wealth is also used like a protective wall keeping out courts and researchers from honestly facing the dark side of swingers.
Getting out of the lifestyle isn’t easy. What I can tell you is that it starts with breaking free from the trauma bonding that happens in your mind. When you become a prisoner in your head, your body follows.
Likewise getting free starts with freeing your mind from the nightmares, guilt and traumas. In the video “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers”, I share with you methods for moving past those traumas.
Although I can’t give you a go bag, I can help you start freeing yourself from the bondage that swinging brings with it. You have to start by giving yourself permission to heal. You can change. The change starts with you getting help.
Click and download your copy of the video today and start your recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
