A reader wanted to know about going from infidelity to swinging. From an addiction perspective, both infidelity and swinging are part of the progression of sexual addiction.
The difference is in the degree and type of sexual behavior. Infidelity involves sex with someone who is not your spouse; swinging involves having sex with other couples or groups in a social setting, such as a swingers party. Another variation is having relations with your spouse in front of an audience.
Let me start by saying there are many types of sexual addicts. Some stay in their dark cave with their porn and others feed their addiction by going to greater sexual exploits such as exhibition or swinging behaviors.
Sexual addiction takes its victims deeper and deeper into the dark prison of passion. When the addictions take over, you are forced to give into them. You chase after experiences with greater intensity and risks. Then you realize it has all been a set up. Intensity is about feeding the addiction, not feeding your soul.
The addiction progresses from infidelity to swinging for most addicts. The degree of sexual acting out or behaviors is escalating and the risks are greater along with the increased excitement. Many addicts find themselves unable to go back once they have had a taste of swinging or the intense experiences they have gone through.
Their bodies and brains have been put into overdrive and anything less feels like they are in the slow lane.
When the addiction takes over, you want the intense experience and ignore the damage it does to your marriage and family. Although you chase after the thrills, eventually your conscience catches up to you.
In order to appease it’s nagging disapproval, some sexual addicts turn to swinging. The structure of swinging with spouses giving permission for adultery gives a temporary appeasement to the guilt. You trick your mind into thinking it’s not adultery since you have ‘permission’ to step outside your marriage.
It’s not by accident that swinging involves heavy use of drugs or alcohol in order to dull your senses. It’s only after you’ve had plenty to drink or drug that you swing. You may not have the courage to do it sober.
Or, you feel it’s your right to take a moral holiday from time to time and indulge in the lust-driven behavior of swinging with others. It feels like an entitlement since you are single or on a break from your spouse.
A bigger question concerns what happens after the swinging. When swinging is no longer intense or risky enough you seek a greater high. When you consider the next step, it may wake you up as to how far you’ve descended.
Does swinging lead to an orgy? If so, what happens after the orgy? The rules of swinging may break down as you move from sexual relations with a partner to anonymous sex. You have entered a dangerous zone where others become objects and prey for your lust.
What started with some flirting and voyeurism has taken you a long way on this journey. What started with curiosity has taken over more of your life than you realize.
Rather than getting caught up in the continuing downward spiral that comes with swinging, now is a great time for taking steps out of that mess. In the video ‘Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers” you can start taking the first steps out of the mess.
You didn’t suddenly jump into the mess, and it’s going to take time in getting out of it. It’s not an inescapable situation. You can turn your marriage around.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
