The other week I received an email from an old friend dealing with a challenging situation. Although I often don’t hear from people until they’re in crisis, it was good hearing from him. Even though the situation bringing us back in contact wasn’t pleasant, it’s good connecting with him again.
There’s something soothing about hearing familiar voices. So even though it was a problem-oriented call, I was enjoying it.
In the course of our conversation, the term ‘reprobate’ came up as part of his response to a situation that perplexed me.
Although I haven’t used the term in a while, it started me thinking about it in terms of affairs. It’s one of those terms that makes its rounds in theology circles, but you don’t hear it in daily conversation.
The modern equivalent would be someone who is so abandoned to the affair that they’re lost. At that point, they’ve given into the affair and are in so deep, they can’t see straight.
It’s totally possible that you get so deep into a relationship that you lose all sense of direction, morality and common sense. You may even lose track of time and what’s truly important in your life.
One sure sign that you’re in that deep is when you pray that God will stop you or put obstacles in the way to keep the affair from happening again. Rather than seeking self-discipline and the ability to say ‘no’, you instead look for obstacles to keep you from indulging in the affair.
That’s the danger of affairs. They don’t just present a moral problem, but they can also entangle us in spiritual problems.
When someone has become a reprobate, it’s about more than losing physical and emotional control; it’s about losing your spiritual footing as well. It’s like being under a spell where you are held as a prisoner.
Your prayers become pleas for something to suddenly stop things. One person I talked with prayed that she’d be struck down with an illness to stop sleeping around.
At this point, you’re not saying no to the affair. You are giving into it and wanting God to use Divine interventions in order to keep you from doing what you’re determined to do.
When you’ve reached that point, you are ‘in deep’. When you are in the affair so deep that you ask for obstacles, you’ve lost control.
You’re so far past where you could touch the bottom that you don’t know how far down the bottom is.
Although you’re not beyond help or hope, you are in deeper than you realize. At this point, your thinking and focus are messed up. Your internal compass is no longer on ‘true north’.
At this point, your sense of navigation and direction can’t be counted on. Someone has reprogrammed your brain to where you can’t trust it.
When you or your spouse is in this deep, you need help. Even though you don’t think you need help, you need all the help you can get.
This is where the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” helps. There you can get your head and heart back to where they need to be. It will take some daily effort, yet in the long run, you can find restoration.
When you’re that deep, you need help in moving past it. The urges have been in control for too long.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
